Don’t look here for ‘Dogs Playing Poker’

During our honeymoon tour of Italy, my husband quickly reached his limit.

Not of gelato, mind you. It was history’s great works of art that put him over the edge.

This is what he had to say: “I will not look at one more painting of the holy mother and child.”

I’m paraphrasing. There was cursing, too.

I should have known, of course. The centerpiece of his pre-me living room was taxidermy. And I’m sure I ought to spend the rest of my life in gratitude that it has now taken up residence in storage.

So, bearing that in mind, I will not attempt to persuade him to attend any of the following art-related events.

But you might like them.

Let’s start in Portland. From Sept. 14 to 16, the Jupiter Hotel hosts a “close-up glimpse at the country’s leading contemporary art” in a “hip, urban setting.”

The fourth annual “AFFAIR @ The Jupiter Hotel” (I think they put it in all caps to make it sound more salacious) bills itself as “collector-friendly, curator savvy and artist-centric.”

If you qualify for any of those designations, show up for a look at works drawn from contemporary art galleries and nonprofit art centers throughout the United States and Canada.

In a statement sent my way, organizer Stuart Horodner, director of programs at the Atlanta Contemporary Art Center, says, “Each year more art is sold and more careers and collections are empowered,”

That sounds pretty fancy for a girl who, according to the state of Washington, owns half a dead animal head. But if you feel worthy of witnessing the making and, one could reasonably suppose, the destruction of careers before your very eyes, by all means, go ahead.

Find out more at www.affair-jupiterhotel.com. Or call (877) 800-0004.

A more bucolic arts event takes over the picnic grounds of Maryhill Museum near Goldendale, Wash., on Aug. 18 and 19.

The Maryhill Arts Festival presents the work of more than 50 regional artists, including paintings, photography, jewelry, glass, ceramics and more.

You can also check out the 17 large-scale works featured in the annual Outdoor Sculpture Invitational and enjoy hourly musical presentations. Jazz guitarist Charles Crosman will be there, along with Joanie’s Jazz Trio, Swing Crew and others.

Perhaps the most compelling thing about any event at Maryhill is the nearby winery, and the festival’s food court will be offering up those wares along with other selections.

Visit www.maryhillmuseum.org or call (509) 773-3733 if you have questions.

For something more in the way of the performing arts, consider Skamania Lodge’s “Guest Artist Series” package, wrapping up with two more shows.

Trio Voronezh performs at the lodge’s amphitheater on Aug. 26 with a repertoire covering classical works by Bach, Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky and Schubert, as well as Russian folk music.

And the Columbia Gorge Interpretive Center welcomes Icicle Creek Piano Trio on Sept. 23. The members of this international threesome hail from the United States, Russia and Great Britain.

For the package, Skamania throws together Sunday accommodations in a forest-view room, two concert tickets and boxed lunches for $171. Make your reservations at www.skamania.com or (800) 221-7117.

Rockets’ red glare

For those who can’t stomach another culturally enriching experience, try this on for size.

The Butchart Gardens in Victoria will put on “one of the most extravagant fireworks displays in North America” on Saturday nights through Sept. 1. It won’t help you self-actualize, but it’s probably loads of pyrotechnic fun.

Go to www.butchartgardens.com for details. Or call (866) 652-4422.

Summiting it up

Or you could give your body a beating with the Seven Summits Trail Race at Red Mountain Resort on Sept. 1.

The cross-country competition for all ages starts at Nancy Green Summit and covers 25 kilometers along the Seven Summits trail to the top of Granite Mountain at the Rossland, B.C., resort.

They’re offering $275 for the winners of the open male and female divisions. I’ll tell you, they’d have to come up with a lot more money than that to get me there. But you enjoy.

Sign up at www.sevensummitsrace.com or (800) 663-0105, ext. 211.

Regional events

“Montana Baroque Music Festival at Quinn’s Hot Springs, Aug. 14-16, Paradise, Mont. Baroque violinist Monica Huggett, oboist Gonzalo X. Ruiz and four musicians from the Portland Baroque Orchestra will perform. Festival packages include recreational activities such as golfing, fishing, rafting and more. ( www.visitmt.com/ 888-646-9287)

“Mukilteo Lighthouse Festival, Sept. 7-9, Mukilteo, Wash. Celebrate the tall, skinny structure with art, food, parades, live entertainment, fireworks and a tour of Mukilteo’s very own lighthouse. ( www.mukilteofestival.org/ 425-353-5516)