She’s still sad over moving

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my husband forced me and our children to relocate to a new city so he could take a promotion. I begged him not to move us hundreds of miles away from family and friends. He made no effort to find a new position in the city where we had lived for a decade.

This is the fifth time in the last 20 years that I have relocated for his career. My husband likes his new job, and my children are doing well, but I am miserable. I long for my old friends and familiar routines. I have hosted parties, joined a few clubs and volunteered at my kids’ school, keep myself busy and put a smile on my face, but inside I am so depressed. This is not what I wanted my life to be at age 45 – stuck in a strange city with no family or friends. I feel like I’m in jail.

I went to a counselor, but she was no help. My family thinks I should be happy because they see my lovely home and my husband’s fine job. My husband has apologized for moving me here, but that doesn’t help. Is there something I should be doing to ease the transition? Or should I move my family back to our old city? – Stranger in a Strange Land

Dear Stranger: So far, you are doing everything right to adjust. Please don’t disrupt your children’s lives by moving them again. Instead, arrange to visit your family and friends with a series of short trips, perhaps once every two or three weeks (whatever you can afford), and encourage them to visit you as well. This will help you be less homesick while making new friends. It’s also time to tell your husband that any future moves must involve your input and agreement. Period.

Dear Annie: I am a middle-aged widow who lost my husband seven years ago. Two years ago, “George,” an old high school friend, came back into my life, and we’ve been seeing each other ever since.

George’s wife died three years ago. While I rarely bring up memories of my husband, George brings up at least one moment he shared with his wife nearly every day. In addition, he keeps her ashes in a special corner of his bedroom.

George keeps saying he loves me and he’s ready to move on, but I’m not so sure. I love him and want to share his future, but his late wife remains (and her remains remain!) an obstacle. Should I be patient or move on? – Also Playing Second Fiddle

Dear Playing: We think you are making too much of this. The fact that George keeps his late wife’s remains is not unusual, although you might ask him to place them somewhere outside the bedroom. (If they had children together, perhaps one of them would like the ashes.) As for his recurring memories, try to be tolerant. It’s OK to let George know it hurts your feelings when he keeps bringing up his late wife, but in time, these comments should diminish.