Find peaceful way to bond

Dear Annie: I have been dating a very sweet and loving man for three years. “Sam” has grown daughters who are not particularly happy that I am in their father’s life. The rest of his family treats me wonderfully, and I just love them. They are good people. But it seems the girls resent the way the family has accepted me. They feel I am treated better than their mother was. They also think I am the reason behind their parents’ divorce. I was not. Sam was already divorced when I met him.

I know these daughters are, and always will be, Daddy’s girls. Sam and I never argue unless it is about the way they treat me. One of the daughters never lets a moment pass without saying something to embarrass me in front of the family. He tries to make excuses for her, like “She was just kidding.” But I think she’s the type who takes joy in making fun of someone’s weakness. I was taught to respect the feelings of others, and if you don’t have anything nice to say, then say nothing.

Sam has talked to his daughters, but it hasn’t improved things. He thinks I should speak up when his daughter embarrasses me. I know I should. How do I handle this? – Woman on the Edge

Dear Woman: It is not uncommon for children of divorce to snub the new woman (or man) in a parent’s life. Sam should be the one to demand his daughters treat you with respect. Insist on it. Beyond that, ignore their barbs and do your best to be polite to them, no matter how difficult. These girls will always be important to Sam, so if you want a relationship with him, you will have to find a less acrimonious way of dealing with them.

Dear Annie: I am a 40-something female who has been married for over 20 years. When we first married, my husband cared about his appearance, but he has since let himself go. He does not want to give up his favorite foods, many of which are fattening, and he eats pretty good-size portions. He has no interest in joining a gym or playing a sport.

While sex is satisfactory, I have to close my eyes and fantasize a lot about more attractive men. I am also concerned that my husband may become diabetic since it runs in his family. I am less than thrilled at the path his life seems to be taking.

He doesn’t like to discuss it and gets all huffy when I try. What should I do? – Helpless Wife

Dear Helpless: You cannot force someone to eat better, but you can prepare healthful meals. You cannot force him to exercise, but you can ask him to walk with you after dinner. You’ve been married a long time. We assume your husband has other, more endearing, qualities. He expects you to love him regardless, and we hope you will.