Annie’s Mailbox : Embezzlement not forgotten

Dear Annie: Several years ago, I was fired from my management position for embezzling money from the company. I had a drug addiction that I was hiding and stupidly took money to fund my addiction. I was fired and prosecuted.

I have since gone through recovery and have not used drugs in over three years. I also paid back all the money I stole. As part of my recovery, I wrote a letter to my former employees, telling them how sorry I was. I indicated in the letter that if anyone wanted to call me and discuss it, I was more than willing. I never heard from anyone.

Last month, while at the movies, I saw one of the women I had worked with. I was unsure how to handle the situation, but she came over to me, and we talked about our children and what was going on in our lives.

Yesterday, one of my friends called to say this same woman e-mailed and was livid that I could stand there and act as if nothing had ever happened. Annie, I didn’t think the middle of the lobby was the place to bring up my drug addiction or past legal problems, and she didn’t ask, either. If she needed more of an apology, shouldn’t she have called me?

I have moved on, I have God in my life, I’ve married again and have a new, wonderful career. I consider myself an example of how living without drugs can change your life. Do I owe these people a personal apology when I see them? Should I phone this woman? – Living Drug Free

Dear Living: Fair or not, your embezzlement is the first thing a former co-worker thinks of when seeing you. Although a public lobby is not the right place to go into detail, it might have helped if you had simply said, “I hope you know how sorry I am about what happened.” It was mean-spirited of this woman to chastise you to someone else, but if it would make you feel better, you can call her and say it was not your intention to avoid the subject. (Kudos to you for changing your life.)

Dear Annie: As I get older, I find myself attending more and more wakes and funerals for longtime friends. Typically at the wake, the family is at the entrance, greeting visitors. I often hear people ahead of me saying, “Nice to see you” or “Good to see you.” To me, this seems grossly inappropriate.

What is the proper greeting when you meet family members at a wake or funeral? – Losing Friends in Connecticut

Dear Connecticut: People, through nervousness or a desire to be comforting, occasionally end up blurting out something insensitive or inappropriate to mourners. It’s never wrong to say, “I’m sorry for your loss.”