These grumpy ‘Old Men’ not exactly ‘Wizard of Oz’

Watching a movie on Thanksgiving weekend is a family tradition with us, dating back to those rose-colored days when “The Wizard of Oz” was on TV every Thanksgiving.

Nothing like the old Scarecrow and Toto to fill a person’s heart with warmth.

So this Thanksgiving, we perused the movie listings and said, “Hey, let’s go see ‘No Country for Old Men’!”

It’s a Western. We like Westerns. And, it’s by those wacky Coen brothers. We all enjoyed “Raising Arizona” with John Goodman cooing over that cute baby. So we trooped off to the old hundred-plex and snapped up four tickets to “No Country for Old Men.”

I would just like to take the opportunity to thank Hollywood and the Coen brothers for providing us with such a cheerful and uplifting holiday movie. You might say it’s a little bit like the “A Christmas Carol,” since it’s about a man who doesn’t quite grasp the concept of human warmth and generosity. Javier Bardem plays a kind of Scrooge-like character named Chigurh who walks around in gloomy black outfits and doesn’t have a kind word to say to anybody.

The only difference is, instead of seeing the error of his ways and bringing a Christmas goose to Tiny Tim, Chigurh keeps shooting people.

Actually, most people he doesn’t shoot. He kills them with a pressurized cattle-slaughtering device that shoots a rod into their brains. This is what professional Hollywood scriptwriters refer to as a “distinguishing character detail.” Years from now, when we’re sitting around reminiscing at Thanksgiving, we’ll say to each other, “And remember that movie we went to? With that guy who shot a rod into people’s brains? What a delightfully quirky character he was!”

“No Country for Old Men” also reminded me a little bit of “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” one of my favorite Westerns. Both movies are about outlaws who are tracked by remorseless foes who are always only one step behind. In fact, I was half hoping that Llewelyn, the main character, would turn around and say, “Who ARE these guys?”

That’s a line from “Butch Cassidy,” but the real reason I wanted him to say that is because I actually did want to know: Who ARE these guys? I got the idea that they were bad dudes, because they were, I guess, Mexican drug lords or something, but there seemed to be a lot of them and they were awfully hard to tell apart. Except for Chigurh, who you could tell because of his bad haircut and tank of compressed air.

So, it was a little like “Butch Cassidy” except you couldn’t tell what the hell was going on.

Also the main characters were not exactly charming, insouciant scamps like Paul Newman and Robert Redford. The main character, Llewelyn, was a mean, greedy lout who also happened to be dumber than a box of possums. So it was like “Butch Cassidy” except you hate all of the characters.

It also reminded me a little bit of one of great works of world literature, Victor Hugo’s “Les Miserables.” Chigurh was like Javert, the relentless foe who will never give up, never show mercy. Unfortunately, Llewelyn didn’t particularly deserve any mercy, although I am not prepared to say that he actually deserved a rod shot into his brain.

Finally, it was a little bit like “Fargo,” an earlier Coen Brothers movie: Not-very-bright people land themselves in a big mess out on the great western plains. Except in “No Country for Old Men,” there’s no Frances McDormand saying funny things with a cute Minnesota accent. So it’s like “Fargo,” if only “Fargo” had been more violent, more depressing and without any sense of humor.

To sum up: “No Country for Old Men” is delightful holiday fare, surpassed only by “Saw III.” We’re hoping that Hollywood will bring us something just as cheerful for Christmas week.

Does anybody know whether they made a “Bad Santa II”?