Miss Manners: ‘Personalization’ of sales pitch annoys

Dear Miss Manners: I’m dreading the holidays. A few of our family members are self-employed (I’m one), and some of us are marketing relentlessly to the rest of us.

The mail brings envelopes that look like letters or packages, but turn out to be unrequested advertising and nothing else, not even a personal greeting. Any e-mail is certain to be a sales pitch, sent to a long list of victims (with not so much as a “Hi, Aunt Jackie”). We’ve been invited to sales presentations (politely declined) and bombarded by pitches.

The very worst offender declared that we “must” gather at her house for the holidays. I want to avoid spending the holidays as a captive audience for a sales pitch, but should I tell her why I won’t come or just politely decline (again)? So far, I’ve just said something vague and changed the subject.

On a related note – I’m self-employed, too, and I wouldn’t send unrequested marketing material to my relatives, but where’s the line? I’d like to share what I’m up to, which includes work, but is it rude to add an e-mail link to a Web site where others can see my work? I’d like to avoid being rude, or tacky, or (gulp) some combination of the two.

Gentle Reader: The question here is whether someone is telling family news or targeting relatives as customers. The mailings are clearly entirely commercial in content, so even a “Hi, Aunt Jackie” would seem like the advertising gimmick of so-called “personalization.” A mince-pie at the offender’s house would not excuse a sales pitch. But as such people are unlikely to distinguish between hospitality and hustling, you will only antagonize them by adding an explanation when you send your regrets.

As for yourself, Miss Manners condones telling what you are doing but advises skipping the Web site connection. It sounds as if your family has been besieged enough.