What is a ‘White Tie’ ball?

Dear Miss Manners: I am attending a “White Tie” ball. I was taught by my late father that White Tie included the tails, white pique shirt, vest and tie but should include white kid gloves, a white silk scarf, a top hat and walking stick. I have a link which really has the exact look that my father had.

I own all of this apparel, so it is not a problem to locate such items. Is it still proper to dress this way for a very formal event such as I mention above?

Gentle Reader: Your father must have been quite a well-turned-out gentleman, and Miss Manners rather regrets that on the rare occasions where white tie is still worn, the gloves (buckskin, rather than kid), hat and walking stick seldom accompany it.

However, as long as you don’t line up with any gentlemen who are similarly outfitted and all start tipping your hats and twirling and tapping your walking sticks in unison, she would consider the full outfit to remain appropriate, not to mention dashing.

Dear Miss Manners: If I am at a dance with my dancing partner, and someone asks to “cut in,” taking my place, do I have to agree to allow him in or am I allowed to refuse? When I refused, my partner gasped and said it was mean. Was I right, or was she right?

Gentle Reader: Do you have a daughter? If so, Miss Manners asks you to remember that when the young lady happily produces a suitor who has the courtesy to ask you for her hand, you do not have the option of refusing.

Nor do you on the dance floor, where you have even more tenuous custody of the lady. The request to cut in is made for courtesy only.