Vocal Point: Technology helps fathers warm up to changing diapers

My father has hairy apelike hands with large knuckles that bend his sausage fingers. But those time-worn mitts have one claim to fame that he lords over me and his other sons: They have never changed a poopy diaper.

That was his generation.

Similar virgin hands are attached to the arms of my Uncle Keith, who resides on a hay farm in Elk, back in the woods on a rutted mountain road that would have been deemed impassable by the Roskelleys.

Some 40 years ago, when many of the highways to Spokane were not yet paved, my uncle left the hayfields and packed up my poopy-diapered cousin to drive the 45 miles to our house in Spokane so that my mother (my uncle’s sister) could change that dirty diaper.

Uncle’s wife had gone to a family emergency in Boise. You can presume that Boise was my uncle’s next stop if my mother had not been at home to make that diaper change.

But the times they are a changin’.

Most of us baby boomer fathers got our hands in the thick of things sometime during the past three or four decades.

We changed diapers. Not with the frequency of mothers, but we usually got a regular turn. Sometimes it was a matter of survival.

Any parent knows that when two conditions are met – specifically, 1. Dry diaper; 2. Full stomach – babies can be fun. When baby’s crying is stopped, the tension in the house is reduced and you can hear the Super Bowl on TV.

Disposable diapers were probably invented by a boomer and became popular in the ‘60s and ‘70s. Diaper-changing became more convenient, and the task of diaper disposal became more humane.

I remember my mother using the toilet as the “pre-wash” laundry cycle for my younger sibling’s soiled diapers. I never forgave her for that.

So jump ahead to today’s young-parent generation.

My son is a new father.

He has a division-of-

labor agreement with his wife. My son is apparently the “first responder” to a dirty diaper, and she is the same to feeding their new baby.

My son is ill-equipped for that latter task but very modern. Thankfully he never enrolled in breast-feeding hormonal therapy.

There have been new breakthroughs in diaper-changing over the years. There are small things like stickier tape, butt-formed diapers and superelastic.

However, the major invention that improved diaper changing was the bigger, thicker and better “wipes,” which are the disposable, moistened and lotioned paper-cloths that are used to restore the shine to baby’s butt after the in-diaper event. But wipes have been around for a long time.

What is the most recent great hallelujah invention of diaper changing?

The wipes warmer!

I was watching my son change his new baby’s diaper, secretly hoping to give him some advice on the task in order to make up for never teaching him how to fish or hunt wild game while he was growing up.

My son opened an appliance near the changing table and inserted a “wipe.”

At first glance and unfamiliar with the appliance, I thought it was a crepe maker.

“Whoa,” I cautioned, “whaddya gonna do with that?”

“Heating the wipe,” he said while handing me the wounded diaper that he had just removed and directing me to place it in a special bio-nuclear hazardous material disposal bag.

“You’re heatin’ up the wipe?”

“Take it out,” he said, pointing at the crepe maker.

I lifted the top and removed the warmed wipe.

“Aren’t you afraid of making a sissy of your children?” I asked.

“Does a cold wipe on their butt teach them about the real world?” he asked back

I recognized the sarcasm dripping off his words and refused to answer.

“Besides,” he continued, lecturing me, “warm wipes can erase those stubborn stains with less elbow grease.”

Now he was speaking in a deep voice that was a not-so-very funny imitation of Mr. Clean.

My new grandchild smiled when the warm wipe was applied. I guess I would, too.

These are the kinds of wonders that pop up every day in this modern world, where there are spinoffs of products that seemed like they were invented just yesterday. Wipe warmers from crepe-maker technology. Crepe-makers probably went the way of fondue pots.

What would my father with his virgin apehands think of all this pampering?

Or my uncle?

Would my uncle still drive from Elk to my mother’s house to get his baby’s diaper changed?

My mom lives in Seattle now.

Would he still drive his old hay truck over Snoqualmie Pass and pay today’s prices for gas?

Yup. Faster than small-town gossip.