Christian ministry appeals to ‘manly men’

Why do men hate going to church?

Because church – in the minds of some men – has become a ladies’ club, according to David Murrow, author of “Why Men Hate Church.”

“Where are the manly men?” asks Murrow, an evangelical Christian. “Although males have not completely abandoned the church … tough, earthy, working guys rarely come to church. High achievers, alpha males, risk takers and visionaries are in short supply. Fun-lovers and adventurers are also underrepresented in church. … When men need spiritual sustenance, they go to the wilderness, the workplace, the garage, or the corner bar. They watch their heroes in the stadium or on the racetrack. They plunge into a novel or sneak off to a movie. Church is one of the last places men look for God.”

Getting guys to go to church can be something short of a miracle, according to those involved in men’s ministries. But for the past 25 years, a Post Falls ministry has appealed to Murrow’s “manly man” by using a different sort of hook: fishing and the outdoors.

Formerly known as Let’s Go Fishing Ministries, Outdoor Connection Ministries was established by Jim Grassi, a pastor, author and master outdoorsman who has used his skills and tales of adventure as a way to promote Christianity. Since the early ‘80s, Grassi and others have organized hundreds of fellowship gatherings, sports show appearances, retreats and other events that appeal to males seeking a sense of spirituality and stability in their lives.

“It’s easy to get women together at church, but men are different,” said James Steiner, OCM’s director of operations. “For guys, there has to be three things – food, fun and something scheduled. … We also need to have men communicating to men in a language we understand.”

Most guys probably wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting their buddies to church, Steiner said. But they certainly wouldn’t hesitate to ask their male friends to take part in Christian gatherings that revolve around fishing, hunting, camping or some sort of “boys and their toys event.”

On Friday and next Saturday, hundreds of Christian men and teenage boys are expected to take part in OCM’s latest offering: Iron Sharpens Iron, a weekend of worship, seminars and exhibits designed to deepen their faith and strengthen their connection to their families and community. The event will bring some prominent Christian speakers to town while covering a variety of topics including work and money, relationships, sexuality and spirituality.

According to organizers, the name “Iron Sharpens Iron” comes from a passage in the book of Proverbs: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” The conference is designed to draw different types of males in every age group: “emerging men,” teenagers who are moving toward manhood; “pioneering men,” men in their 20s figuring out their place in life; “full-throttle men,” guys in their 30s to mid-50s who are the “providers” and “warriors”; and “seasoned men,” the elders who can share their wisdom.

“Men need support whether they’re Christian men or not,” said Matt Melton, of Hayden, Idaho, a member of Real Life Ministries in Post Falls. “It feels good to be next to someone who is struggling to make it through life just like you are. This conference will help people realize that they’re not alone.”

According to the National Coalition of Men’s Ministries, for every 10 men in the average church, nine will have kids who leave the church; eight will be unsatisfied with their jobs; six will pay just the monthly minimum on their credit cards; five will struggle with pornography; and four will get divorced. All of them, according to the coalition, will struggle to balance family and work.

Unless they’re in a comfortable setting, guys have a hard time sharing their feelings, said Steiner, who’s also a Real Life member. So when men suffer from rage, depression, lust and other problems, they tend to shut down and refuse to communicate – even with their own spouses, he said.

While church has traditionally been a place where people seeking both solace and guidance, it’s not a place that tends to draw males. According to the author of “Why Men Hate Church,” the typical congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent female and 39 percent male. So on any given Sunday, there are 13 million more adult women than men in the nation’s churches.

Some guys also aren’t able to relate to the image of Jesus as a thin man with a meek and mild manner. “Jesus was a big man,” insisted Steiner, referring to both his physical and emotional stature. “It offends most people when Jesus is portrayed as this wispy guy.”

Steiner, who prefers a strong, more masculine image of Christ, recalled a recent men’s conference in which one speaker said: “We serve a two-testicle God – a man’s man, but one who can show mercy and grace.”

In order to better relate to the men who would rather be outdoors or attend church only to keep their wives and mothers happy, OCM works closely with churches to provide males with a masculine environment where they feel secure to talk about their issues explore their relationship with God.

“As a man, you can’t survive by yourself in today’s world because of the pressure of money and technology,” said Melton, a 43-year-old part-time contractor. “The only way to do it right is by being involved at church, in small groups and with other Christian men who pray for each other. Christ is the only way you can have a successful marriage, family and career.”

Since his involvement in the men’s ministry, Melton has also become more devoted to both his church and family, according to his wife, Roni Melton.

“He has this quiet confidence and an inner strength now,” she said. “He wants to spend more time with his family and take care of us. I have a new respect for him. … He has become more of a man to me.”