North Idaho Journal: Rules of the road out the window in Costco aisles

I’m not usually a fan of the “big box” stores that have come to dominate Coeur d’Alene’s shopping scene the past few years. One chain, however, has caught my attention. I have found Costco to fit my lifestyle and to meet my shopping needs. My fellow customers, though, irritate the hell out of me!

I have lived in a number of large metropolitan areas in my life with some pretty awful drivers. For the most part, I’d say that North Idaho drivers are pretty good – both safe and courteous. Put these same drivers behind a Costco shopping cart, though, and you’d think you were trying to drive a Mini Cooper through rush hour traffic in Rome.

With the recent holidays finally concluded you might be assuming that I’m talking about shopping for Christmas – or, the holiday season, if you prefer. I am not. Year-round, every day that they are open, reckless, rude and careless drivers take to the aisles to wreak havoc and mayhem.

What is it about humanity that, when placed in a discount store, compels otherwise reasonably decent people to act the part of irrational savages? Since it’s a warehouse, does that mean that normal rules of etiquette are canceled? Does common courtesy only apply in shopping situations where you don’t have to purchase a membership? Does walking through the front door and flashing your membership card render one excused from ordinary rules of the road?

I have the answer to all these questions except the first. The answers are a very loud NO! But the answer to the first question still escapes me.

From what I hear, Costco treats their people well, and the long-term benefits are quite good. But I have known a number of former employees who have told me that they quit because they had their fill of being yelled at and talked to like dirt – by the customers, not their bosses.

I generally try to shop there late in the day, just before they close. The crowds have left by then. But too many times I have transgressed my own rule and have suffered mightily for it. Weekends, people are ruthless. But weekdays are bad, too.

I was reminded of all this on a recent trip to a Portland Costco. It’s the same there. Generally easy-going Oregonians turn into demon-possessed shopping cart-wheelers. I took my dad there in a wheelchair, and I feared for his survival. I left him in the pharmacy while I did some grocery shopping, and when I returned, he looked frazzled from just sitting there. He told me that several crazed shoppers glared at his chair, thinking it might be obstructing their path a bit. He was glad to get out.

I had learned a thing or two while Christmas (holiday) shopping in Coeur d’Alene’s Costco the week before, and I must have had an angry and determined look about me because I saw the crowds in the bakery section and the paper products area part in front of me as if Moses was positioned on the front of my cart. I felt on the verge of aisle rage, and it must have shown.

For those of you who have not shelled out $50 or $100 for the privilege to shop in Costco, you are probably wondering what I am talking about. I’m talking about the way that simple rules of the road are discarded in shopping aisles. People plow ahead on the left as well as the right. Nobody yields at aisle intersections. People park their carts wherever, regardless of traffic patterns. People stop, abruptly and without warning, in the middle of heavy traffic to linger over a shopping decision. It’s chaotic and even frightening.

One last question: Why is it that we pay to shop there? Is it for the free samples of food at the end of every congested aisle? Is it for the pizza and frozen yogurt, freshly made and reasonably priced, just beyond the checkout lines? Is it to be able to have your goods piled into discarded produce boxes? Or is it for the overnight convenience of having a casket shipped to you?

I know, there’s more than one question there, but sometimes I wonder if it’s all really worth having to play shopping cart destruction derby. If it wasn’t for the nice people who make that green or orange mark on your receipt as you pass out of the building and back into civilization, I rather doubt that it would be.