So you think you’re a Spokanite?

Today is the perfect day – for reasons I’ll explain later – to present my Official Are You a Real Spokanite? ™ questionnaire.

This subject came up earlier this month when I went to a Spokane Chiefs game. I remember thinking, “Finally, after almost 18 years, I’ve capped off the Spokane quintathlon.”

That is:

•Running Bloomsday, or at least strolling it.

•Playing, or at least attending, Hoop Fest.

•Attending the Rubber Chicken basketball game or Stinky Sneaker or other high school rivalry game of your choice.

•Attending the State B basketball tournament.

•And, of course, cheering on your Spokane Chiefs.

A guy can sure pick up the essence of Spokane (not to mention a certain distinctive aroma) at these events.

But then I realized that this list isn’t nearly comprehensive enough. To qualify as a true Spokanite, you must have lived here far longer than 18 years – it helps to reverse those digits – and you must have attended far, far more civic events than the above five.

So, if you can answer yes to all of the following questions, you have qualified for the highest status in town, Super Gold Star Elite Spokanite ™ status. Good luck.

•Have you ever had season tickets to the Spokane Indians? When Tommy Lasorda was managing?

•Have you attended a Spokane Symphony concert? Under each of the following conductors: Thulean, Schuller, Ferden, Jordania, Mechetti and Preu?

•Have you ever been to Dicks “Hamburgers Buy the Bagfull”? For your anniversary?

•Have you set foot in each of the following houses of worship: Our Lady of Lourdes Cathedral, St. John the Evangelist Cathedral, First Presbyterian Church and the Spokane Buddhist Temple?

•Have you attended an event at each of the following locations: The Spokane Arena, the INB Performing Arts Center, The Bing Crosby (Met) Theater, the old Spokane Coliseum and the old Spokane Armory? (Corollary questions: Will you forever refer to the INB as “the Opera House” and the old Coliseum as “The Boone Street Barn”?)

•Have you attended a Gonzaga Bulldogs basketball game? Extra credit if you remained standing the entire time.

•Have you eaten at least one meal at each of the following institutions: Longhorn Barbecue, Zip’s, Clinkerdagger’s and any Chinese restaurant on Division with red neon?

•Have you taken a stroll at or to each of the following places: Riverfront Park, High Drive, Duncan Gardens and Bowl and Pitcher?

•Have you attended a class, a concert or meeting at each of the following campuses: Gonzaga University, Whitworth College, Spokane Community College and Spokane Falls Community College?

•Have you attended each of these events at Albi Stadium: A Washington State University football game, Junior Bloomsday, a high school football game and a 1957 Elvis concert?

•Have you picnicked at each of the following places: The Vista House on Mt. Spokane, the duck ponds at Manito Park, and the summit of Steptoe Butte?

•Have you played golf at the following courses: Indian Canyon, Downriver and Esmeralda? (Special substitute question for nongolfers: Have you ever sledded at all of the above courses?)

Now, the reason I thought today would be the perfect day to publish the Real Spokanite™ questionnaire is because there’s an event happening today that will disqualify all but the hardiest souls:

•Have you ever participated in the Langlauf Cross-Country Ski Race on Mt. Spokane?

Maybe I should call that an extra-credit question, not a required question, because it excludes almost everyone except those who own wooly knickers.

Still, I figure precious few can truly answer yes to every single one of these questions anyway. But there’s always the possibility that some rare soul has every one of these accomplishments in the bag – except for Langlauf.

All I can say is: Pull on those wooly knickers and get moving. It would be a crime not to go for the sweep.