Internet can supply parents with endless amounts of advice

My grandparents had little parenting advice available to them. They had old wives tales, common sense, helpful neighbors and extended families. My grandfather routinely shared such fresh ideas as “spare the rod and spoil the child” and “children are to be seen and not heard.”

My parents’ generation had more old wives tales, neighbors and the cutting edge wisdom of Dr. Benjamin Spock. I admire Dr. Spock since he was one of the first to encourage parents to trust their instincts.

My generation, often geographically removed from extended families, has thousands upon thousands of Web sites offering parenting advice. Amazon.com lists 46,998 parenting books. Birthplan or doula? Cloth or plastic diapers? Homeschool or charter? Vegan or McDonald’s?

Blogs have taken the brag book to the highest level with interactive Web sites documenting extravagant birthday parties planned with military precision by parents determined to satisfy their children’s every desire. In this vast sea of information and show-and-tell, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and start doubting your parenting skills.

I’ve been the member of an Internet momlist for almost 10 years. This list was created for pregnant women due in July 1998. I signed up in fall 1997 in my first trimester and slowly got to know 36 women whom I consider my online sisters. We began with positive pregnancy tests and the motto “Take Naps!” and are now experienced, nap-craving moms of third-graders.

With members from Massachusetts to Idaho, Australia to Israel, few of us have actually met “in real life” but we have grown incredibly close. In our 10 years together, we’ve experienced child birth and divorce, deaths and remarriage, unemployment and deep, dark depression. We’ve survived cancer and anything else you can imagine. We’ve pitched in on fundraisers for those struggling to make ends meet, care packages for our moms who needed a little extra care. One year we made a quilt, raffled it off and donated the money to charity.

My momlist also hands out frequent reality checks. Often, one of our kind, caring moms vents her concerns that due to her own lack of parenting skills, her son is on track for a life in prison as a hyperactive demon child because he just stuck the garden hose into his bedroom window to see if he could turn his bedroom into a swimming pool (True story. I know because it was my then 4-year-old son).

Bemoaning her parenting skills, questioning her abilities, oh what to do? And with swift certainty, 36 other moms will share similar stories about their own sweet little demon child who has done the exact same thing. Reality check: It’s not you, it’s life! It’s normal! Stop fretting and enjoy your little one. Invariably they will find the humor in the situation.

Other avenues for online advice I turn to include some of the Web sites listed here. There are online reference sources, bulletin boards, communities and “ask an expert sites.”There are a number of entrants in the growing category of social networking sites, often dubbed “MySpace for mommies.”

Whatever your level of interest, the Internet can illuminate your parenting experience. I love being able to read about different approaches to solving a problem and then pick and choose the solutions that seem to fit my family and my children’s personalities. It’s like having a room full of grandma’s, neighbors, sisters, doctors and teachers at your beck and call. But in the end, you still have to trust your mommy (or daddy) instincts.