Road trip with wife, ex could turn south

Dear Annie: A number of years ago, my wife and I divorced after a long marriage. About a year later, I began dating “Marta,” a good friend of hers. It was important to us that their friendship not be harmed, and we may have been too successful. Marta and I have been married for five years now, and while she has maintained a friendship with my ex, it has been for the most part without my participation.

Now we are planning a long car trip, and both women think it would be great for the three of us to travel together. The thought of long days confined with Marta and my ex, together in a car, sharing all of our meals, gives me the heebie-jeebies, and that’s not including the lodging arrangements, which are too frightening even to contemplate.

They both insist I’m worrying about nothing, but I think I’d rather bow out and let them go alone than spend a nerve-wracking week together. What do you think? – Getting Grayer in Georgia

Dear Getting Grayer: We think your instincts are good. This could work out fine, but there’s no way to know in advance. If things go south in the middle of a long car trip, you could be in deep trouble. Tell your wife to have a good time and you’ll see her when she gets back.

Dear Annie: My mom’s surviving family consists of her mother and her sister, “Lucy.” Five years ago, Lucy had a brain aneurysm and was hospitalized for months. My mom, grandmother and I dropped everything to drive six hours to be by her side. Lucy has since recovered, but is not 100 percent the person she used to be.

Nine months ago, my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. It was a tough road. Mom went through radiation and chemo, but it didn’t help enough, and she died two months ago.

The problem is, Lucy never once tried to see Mom during this time. She didn’t even come for the funeral. What kind of family member does that? I am so angry at Lucy for not attempting to see her sister. Do you think I need counseling? – Angry Niece

Dear Niece: You’ve already said that Lucy is not 100 percent as she used to be. It’s quite possible she felt the trip was beyond her stamina or that seeing her only sister ill was more than she could handle. Also, between her own illness and her sister’s, she is likely depressed. Please try to forgive Lucy. If counseling can help you do that, by all means, talk to someone. You also might find comfort through motherlessdaughters.net or motherlessdaug.meetup.com. Our condolences.