Dating pal’s ex can be tricky

Dear Annie: I’m having an internal battle over loyalties. I’m a recently divorced man. My friend, “Jim,” also is divorced. A few days ago, I ran into Jim’s ex-wife, “Tammy,” at the store. We talked for a minute and exchanged numbers. Tammy called me the next day. We hit it off extremely well.

I have always thought Tammy was a fun person to be around. We’ve talked several times, and I’m pretty sure she is interested in striking up a friendlier relationship. I’d really like to date Tammy, but am not sure what to do. I don’t want to alienate Jim or our other mutual friends. I need your advice. What should I do? – Torn Apart in Kentucky

Dear Torn Apart: This is a very tricky situation and not likely to make your life easier. Dating a good friend’s ex is a recipe for hurt feelings and awkward social situations. Of course, a lot depends on whether or not the current relationship between Jim and Tammy is amicable. Talk to Jim. Tell him you are interested in dating Tammy, but you don’t want to damage the friendship. If he doesn’t mind, go ahead, but if he objects in any way, understand that dating her will undoubtedly cost you the friendship, and mutual friends may feel obligated to take sides when it comes to issuing invitations. Only you can decide if she’s worth it.

Dear Annie: Over the past several years, I have had some small skin cancers. I have seen three or four dermatologists, but have never gone back to the same one twice. None offered a full body check, and the one time I asked, the doctor barely looked at me. I realize some of this is my fault for not speaking up more forcefully, but could you print the basics of what one should expect? – Comment, Please

Dear Comment: We contacted Dr. Sara Ward, dermatologist at Northwestern Memorial Physicians Group. She said you are correct that regular screening skin examinations by a dermatologist are the best way to detect and treat skin cancer early.

During a screening, you should expect your dermatologist to examine your entire skin surface. During the exam your dermatologist may ask if you have noted any hidden or changing lesions. Even if your doctor does not ask, it is critical for you to speak up. For consistency, once you find a dermatologist you are comfortable with, it is best to see the same person each visit so he or she can monitor for subtle changes.

You should be performing self skin examinations monthly. This means looking over your entire body, using a mirror for hard-to-spot areas. Report any changes to your dermatologist.