Annie’s Mailbox : Mother still angry at Dad

Dear Annie: My parents have been divorced for nearly a decade, and both have remarried. The problem is, even after all this time, my mother is still mad at my father and can’t stand to be around him.

My brother is getting married soon, and my mother (who still believes she has the moral high ground) is hoping my grandmother will seize the opportunity to give my dad a piece of her mind. She told me she was glad someone “loved her enough to take her side.” I tried to explain that we all need to move on. Yes, my father did some bad things when they were married, but I love both my parents. Unfortunately, Mom makes me feel like I can’t love them both at the same time.

I don’t know what to do about Mom anymore, and I don’t think it’s right for my brother to have to deal with her antics on his big day. Any suggestions? – Enough Already

Dear Enough: It’s a shame your mother is still so bitter that she will not let go of her anger. It hurts her more than anyone else. You do not have to succumb to this kind of emotional blackmail. Your mother’s attempts to guilt you into repudiating your father should be ignored. When she says unpleasant things, smile with kindness and pity, and reply, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Then walk away. When she truly believes you will no longer respond to her rancor, she may stop subjecting you to it.

Dear Annie: I’ve known “Marie” for 10 years, and most of the time we are good friends. But every few years, she pulls a stunt where she stops speaking to me for no reason. I will e-mail and call her several times and get no response. Then, when I stop trying, she will go to a mutual friend and say I must be angry because I’ve stopped talking to her. As if I started it. The mutual friend always offers to call me, and then Marie acts relieved that we are still friends. When I confront her about this behavior, she denies she did anything at all.

She pulled this again a few months ago. We were at a party at a friend’s house, and she completely snubbed me when I said hello. I got upset and decided I wasn’t going to play her game anymore. I did not call or e-mail. Within a day, she was going to all of our mutual friends, telling them that I snubbed her!

We are grown women, and I don’t have the energy for such nonsense. – Tired of It

Dear Tired: Marie is a drama queen, and it’s unlikely her behavior will change. She thrives on the attention she gets from putting her friends through the wringer. If you think she’s worth it, you can maintain a lesser friendship, ignoring her juvenile posturing and waiting until she comes around. You don’t need to explain yourself to those mutual friends. They will figure it out soon, if they haven’t already.