Dear Diane: Mom violated ‘Trust Bargain’

Dear Diane: I’d like to think of myself as a fairly progressive, hip parent. I allow my teen daughter a certain amount of freedom when it comes to surfing the Internet. This is because over the years, she has gained my trust. She is a straight-A student, active in school and church activities and doesn’t smoke, drink or (lord forbid) use drugs.

However, from time to time, I check her computer to make sure she hasn’t been in contact with people who may be sexual predators. While checking her bookmarks, I stumbled on the myspace page of her cousin (my nephew) “Leroy.”

Diane, I could not believe the vulgarity and filth on that boy’s page. He has hundreds of “friends,” mostly girls whose sexual morals could only be classified as “questionable to non-existent.” Sexist and vulgar rap music plays, and his journal is filled with tales of his immoral and illegal activities.

I know my sister raised Leroy right. But I am afraid that if I tell my sister that I found Leroy’s myspace page because I was snooping through my daughter’s computer, Leroy will tell my daughter and all our years of trust will be undone. What do I do?

— Torn in Toledo

Dear Toledo: Call your sister. Tell her about Leroy’s page. You don’t have to mention how you found it. Then let your sister handle the situation as she sees fit.

In the future, may I suggest you don’t snoop around your daughter’s computer unless you have a concrete reason or suspicion that she may be in some kind of trouble or engaging in activity you may not approve of. So far, your daughter has lived up to her end of the Trust Bargain. It’s time you held up yours.