Always a taker, never a giver

Dear Annie: Five years ago, I became friends with one of the teachers at my daughter’s school. “Sara” and I hit it off instantly, and my husband and I often met her and her husband for dinner. At the time, Sara was in the middle of purchasing a home and complained that money was tight, so I usually picked up the dinner tab. After they purchased the house, she still complained about money, so when I could, I did the driving or paid the dinner bill.

Last year, Sara was up for a prestigious teaching award, and the ceremony was in another town. She’d recently had a baby and said she couldn’t attend unless someone could come along and baby-sit, so I promised her that my husband and I would stay overnight at a hotel and watch the baby so she could go.

In the meantime, my husband unexpectedly lost his job. When I told Sara, she asked if she could take me out to dinner to cheer me up. When the waitress came with the bill, Sara pushed it in my direction. I was shocked but paid it. Later, I told Sara my husband and I couldn’t afford an overnight hotel stay to watch her baby, but she became so agitated that we ended up spending a fortune to do her this favor. As it turned out, the school district picked up all the expenses for Sara and her husband. She didn’t even offer to buy us a cup of coffee.

My husband says I’m being a sucker. Sara and her husband probably make twice as much as we do. I assured my husband that Sara’s a good friend and I could ask her for anything, but when I called her yesterday to see if she would pick up my mail this weekend, she said gas was too expensive and she’d rather not. I truly like Sara, but I’m wondering if she’s using me. – Can’t Figure It Out

Dear Can’t Figure: Sara finds your friendship very convenient and financially endearing. Beyond that, however, there doesn’t seem to be much. Your husband is right. It’s time to ditch this one-sided relationship before you start kicking yourself.

Dear Annie: I saw your response to “Addict’s Wife” and was disappointed that you didn’t tell her that the choice of drug isn’t as important as the fact that drug usage prevents a person from dealing with relationships, responsibilities and reality.

Please let future friends and families know that Nar-Anon family groups (www.nar-anon.org) are here for their support and we have an online chat forum, too. People don’t have to keep riding their roller coasters. They can get off whenever they choose. – Connie in Santa Cruz

Dear Connie: We have recommended Nar-Anon in the past and are pleased to do so again. Thanks for writing.