Smart bombs: Revelations 20:08

Newt Gingrich admits to the Rev. James Dobson that he had an extramarital affair during the Clinton-Lewinsky melodrama but won’t cop to being a hypocrite. No, not Newt. He’s a mere adulterer. The Clinton matter, you see, was about lying under oath.

Stay tuned for his stern denunciations of “Scooter” Libby – convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice – and all the president’s men who were implicated in that sordid mess. Then again, he might want to wait and see whether he runs for president in 2008. Wouldn’t want to anger the party regulars, who for some reason have tempered their preaching about lying and “the rule of law.”

In any event, I’m convinced Gingrich is running. After all, who just pops into the Focus on the Family compound and subjects himself to serial sanctimony for fun? I have to think he’s going to want something in return.

Family values conundrum. So who is the best presidential candidate for Virtuecrats? Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Newt Gingrich have all admitted to affairs and divorces. Mitt Romney belongs to a religion that many Christians consider a non-Christian cult.

Well, there’s always John Edwards, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton (hey, she was the victim!). All of them, along with Romney, have respected their sacred marriage vows.

More inconvenient truths. That Al Gore just won’t shut up. First it was “Earth in the Balance,” his 1992 book on the environment, and now it’s “An Inconvenient Truth,” a documentary on global-warming.

“Warmer temperatures expected with increasing concentrations of greenhouse gases are expected to exacerbate present drought risks in the United States by increasing the rate of evaporation.”

Just another caterwauling Cassandra. It seems the liberals have an endless supply. If we could only fuel our automobiles with their hot air.

“Much of the water used by people in the western United States comes from snow melt. And a large fraction of the traditionally snow-covered areas of this region has experienced a decline in spring snow pack, especially since mid-century, despite increases in winter precipitation in many places.”

Yeah. Can hardly find any water in these parts. OK, you got your Oscar, Mr. Gore, now please get off the stage. What’s that? Those aren’t The Goracle’s quotes? They’re from a report on climate change compiled by the Bush administration?

Look! Over there! Obama and Hillary are fighting!