The Slice : ‘Too nice out?’ Let ‘em have it
It’s almost that time of year.
Yes, before you know it, co-workers are going to routinely sigh and complain that “It’s too nice outside to be in here working.”
I suppose people say that sort of thing everywhere when the weather’s right. But here in Spokane, that’s not just seasonal small talk. It’s more like an existential mantra.
Think about it. Being obsessed with outdoor recreation is who we are. For better or worse, it all but defines us.
Nobody ever moved to Spokane because of a pent-up desire to be a workaholic. Getting away from it is our specialty – even when the “it” in question is often pleasant and entirely tolerable.
Still, after hearing the “Too nice out” remark a few million times, you start to run out of responses. Simply saying “Um, yeah” over and over gets old.
So today The Slice is going to offer a little help. Let’s do this in the form of a multiple-choice question.
What can you mutter in response when someone says you-know-what?
A) “What’s wrong with you? Did you think being an adult was going to be nonstop playtime? Grow up, for God’s sake.” B) “Well, the skin cancer will just have to wait.” C) “I know, but – crazy as it sounds – there are people who actually expect me to do my work.” D) “Maybe you should have tried to be a professional golfer instead of getting into the accounts receivable game.” E) “Why don’t you go ahead and take off. I’m sure no one would miss you.”
F) “Don’t worry. Spokane isn’t going to run out of sunny days.” G) “You’re kind of like a human mood ring, aren’t you?” H) “Well you know what they say – near nature, nearly useless at work.” I) “Try to tough it out.” J) “Well, Mr. Trite, I guess you could take a wild stab at maturity and just go back to your cubicle and shut up.”
K) “I think I’ve figured out which part of ‘Work hard/play hard’ you don’t understand.” L) “Dude. You’re boring.” M) “So being kind of shallow, that’s working out for you?” N) “So they’re on to your calling-in-sick act, huh?” O) “Maybe you should try to get a job where you get paid to go camping.”
P) “You really have the soul of a nonartist.” Q) “File a grievance.” R) “Try to cover your eyes.” S) “Maybe you could ask to be fired.” T) “You remind me of why no one ever called ours the greatest generation.”
U) “Maybe if you dress even more casually it will take the sting out of supposedly being a grown-up.” V) “You know, we’d better get out there and shake our groove things because I hear the sun is going to disappear in about eight hours.” W) “OK, the pouting is good, but you need to also stamp your foot.” X) “Maybe you can get a one-afternoon sabbatical.” Y) “Is there someone you could sue?” Z) Other.
“Today’s Slice question: What local Ph.D. is most hilariously obsessed with being called “doctor”?