Alcoholic in-law a problem

Dear Annie: My wife’s parents are both alcoholics, and I have a real problem with them, especially when my mother-in-law comes over to drink. I have put my foot down, so it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, my mother-in-law will walk in with an open beer, expecting my wife to supply her with more – and she does. In fact, my wife offers it openly and loudly, just to spite me.

I have talked with my wife about this, but it usually ends up in a fight. It’s reached the point where I hate her mother so much, the sight of her makes my blood boil. My wife insists she can’t change her mother, so why not drink with her? I say she should not encourage this behavior and that it bothers me, but my wife doesn’t care how I feel.

What should I do? – Fed Up in the Midwest

Dear Fed Up: As the child of an alcoholic, your wife has developed her own dysfunctional methods of dealing with her mother, which, unfortunately, encourage Mom to drink and also create tension in your home. Contact Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren.org), P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA 90510, and then make an appointment with a marriage counselor.

Dear Annie: I’m a 17-year-old junior in high school. This year has been very hard for me. I’ve taken on a massive workload at school, with AP courses, community service, music, sports and, recently, the SATs. There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t felt stressed to the point of exhaustion. On weekends, I sleep up to 12 hours, and almost every other day, I have short fits of crying both in school and out.

I’m afraid I might be depressed. I don’t know how to deal with this. – A Very Tired Girl

Dear Tired Girl: You may be more stressed than depressed, but one can lead to the other, so you need to get a handle on this. High school these days is very demanding. AP courses, volunteer work and extracurricular activities look good on your college applications, but the schedule can be overwhelming. Find one thing to cut from this juggling act, and talk to your school counselor along with your parents. You need a break.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “At a Loss,” about her adult daughter’s messy room. I agreed with your answer completely, but I bristled at your last sentence when you suggested it was time the daughter moved out.

Please don’t look down your nose at adults still at home. At 35, I live with my mother because she needs help caring for my 34-year-old sister, who is mentally disabled

Please don’t assume that adults living at home should leave the nest. Perhaps the nest needs their presence. – No Name

Dear No Name: We admire those who act as caregivers to parents or siblings, although this isn’t the case with “At a Loss.” Able-bodied adult children who live with their parents because it’s cheap and comfortable, and for no other reason, are simply delaying adulthood. In your case, obviously, circumstances dictate otherwise.