Man’s health alarms colleague

Dear Annie: I work with a man who is a great asset to our department. However, he has a mobility impairment that is getting worse. He is now unable to walk down a hallway without holding on to the wall. He can’t walk even short distances without holding on to something or someone. He has appeared at meetings with injuries from falling – a black eye, cuts, torn pant legs, etc.

The problem is not his disability – if he would accommodate himself with a cane, walker or wheelchair, it would be fine. The problem is, he doesn’t appear to be coping. We are uncomfortable with him representing us at meetings, events, etc., if he refuses to manage his deteriorating condition. It indicates a refusal to accept reality and lack of leadership. We fear he will soon be edged out of his job because of this.

We’ve tried broaching the subject, but he insists on walking this way. What should we do? – Concerned in Connecticut

Dear Concerned: Someone, preferably a supervisor or a person from human resources, needs to tell your co-worker that his unwillingness to manage his disability is very noticeable and that it could lead to a diminishing of his job responsibilities. Many people who develop walking problems are reluctant to admit they need physical assistance, but the alternative is an increased risk of injury. If there is a reason why this man should not use a cane or walker, he ought to let his employer know.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Foster Mom in Santa Cruz, Calif.,” who said some childhood playmates who prefer not to go home are being abused. She said people should ask the right questions. When my son was 4 and terrified after a visit with his father, I asked, “Are you afraid of someone?” My son told me his father “touched” him. I asked where, and he pointed. I continued to ask questions and became convinced he was being abused.

I reported it to child protective services but was informed that my questions were “leading” and my son only said what I wanted him to say. Of course, when they questioned him, he clammed up. The case was closed.

I know it’s easy for someone without training to destroy an investigation. So, Annie, how do you ask the right questions? – Still Wondering

Dear Wondering: We gave your letter to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), and this is the response:

“You did the right thing. We’re sorry your son’s case was closed, but it’s never too late for any survivor of child sexual abuse to receive help, even years later. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-656- HOPE (1-800-656-4673).