The Slice : Camp Slice won’t waste time with fun
Dear Parents,
I write to you today to share the exciting news about a breakthrough growth and personal enrichment opportunity for your children – Camp Slice.
Enrollment slots are going fast for our comprehensive program of character building and lifestyle enhancement.
Our team of trained counselors stands ready to help your kids understand what living in the Inland Northwest is all about.
The six-day program includes:
“Harnessing your child’s innate Spokane defensiveness and birthright Northwest smugness to reach his or her full potential as a power player in life.
“How to write an angry, incoherent letter to The Spokesman-Review.
“The seven secrets of not sounding like a paranoid, provincial twit (even if you are one).
“Being cheap is no crime: bargaining tips for the penny-pincher of the future.
“Lake-house etiquette: How to be the guest your hosts won’t want to drown.
“Denial dynamics: Learn to compellingly promote Spokane in a way that offers not the slightest hint that, at any given moment, there are tens of thousands of people around here contemplating crimes.
But that’s just the beginning.
At Camp Slice, our staff will nourish your little achievers’ undiscovered gifts with intensive, hands-on tutelage.
Your kids will learn:
“How to talk about real estate without making listeners black out from boredom.
“How to discuss boat size in a way that does not offend any ladies present.
“How to work your latest trip to Seattle into any and all conversations.
Of course, we recognize that not all youngsters are exactly alike. Some shy, sensitive leaders of tomorrow are so special that parents have understandably been reluctant to endanger that precious self-esteem with anything resembling discipline. For those uniquely gifted campers, we offer two exclusive plans.
Lilac: Broadens the horizons of free spirits and obedience-challenged youths with our tried and true “I’ll give you something to cry about” encounter groups.
Excelsior: Headstrong youngsters with unpronounceable names explore a zesty new take on reality when specially trained youth counselors take them out back and “adjust their attitudes.”
Your child’s week at Camp Slice concludes with a banquet and awards ceremony on Celebration Sunday. Program founder Paul Turner awards each camper a trophy and reminds all that “What happens at Camp Slice stays at Camp Slice.”
Remember, our motto is “How may we bill you?” So call today to reserve a spot for your child.
“Today’s Slice question: Because of little kids and their paraphernalia, what Inland Northwest family comes closet to taking a geologic amount of time to load and unload the car each and every time they go somewhere?