Annie’s Mailbox: Pretend nothing happened

Dear Annie: My sister, “Linda,” died two months ago, after years of struggling with cancer. We were very close, and I’m still grieving. Linda was married nearly 20 years, but I never felt I knew her husband, “James.” During her illness, James never showed Linda the affection I would have expected. In fact, the lack of grief from both James and his children made it difficult for me to deal with my loss.

However, last week, I received a very disturbing letter from James. He suggested we get together for a “night of fun.” He said he hadn’t had much sex in the last few years because of Linda’s illness, and implied that I also wasn’t getting any due to my taking full-time care of an elderly relative. He figured we could help each other out. He actually said that by satisfying his physical needs with me, he’d be in a better position to become emotionally involved with another woman once he was ready to date again. To top it off, he said, “Linda would want this.”

I was absolutely shocked and sickened. After several days, I sent him a response. I told him I found his letter deeply disturbing and inappropriate, that I would never consider such a proposal and that I didn’t think my sister would ever have condoned such a thing. I urged him to seek counseling and told him never to talk to me about this again.

I am furious with James and feel somehow molested. I never gave him any indication that I had sexual feelings for him. I wonder if the stress has made him lose his mind. Should I tell anyone? Are his children safe? I destroyed the letter because I couldn’t stand to have it in my possession. How will I ever be able to look him in the eye again? – Confused in Kentucky

Dear Confused: James is lonely and has wildly inappropriate expectations, but we don’t think he has lost his mind or is a danger to anyone. You’ve told him to back off. Good. Now you need to pretend it never happened. When you see him, don’t bring up the subject and don’t respond if he brings it up. If necessary, walk away.

Dear Annie: When a husband is driving, and his wife is in the passenger seat and there is another female passenger seated in the right back, for whom should the husband open the car door first? – Just Wondering

Dear Wondering: It’s so nice that someone still opens car doors for others. If it’s your mother, mother-in-law, grandmother or a person needing assistance, open her door first. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter.