Just chill

Before we get into this whole thing about how the Inland Northwest has become a region of weather wimps, I’d like you to do me a favor.

Get out a map of North America. Or a decent globe will do.

I’ll wait.

Dum de dum dum, la la la … OK, you’re back. Great.

All right, please find Canada. Now locate Spokane.

Notice how close to the border we are. Does that tell you anything?

Well, one thing a reasonable person might infer from the fact that we are about half an inch from the Frozen North (and not right beside the ocean) is that winter is inevitable here. Right?

And yet, each year, countless area residents act as if the arrival of cold weather is some rude surprise or sneak attack.

What is wrong with these people?

I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I want to share a sincere worry.

I fear the Inland Northwest is in danger of losing its connection to a proud, rugged heritage.

In modern times, this region’s image was shaped by miners, loggers, farmers and steely women who could teach a grizzly sow a thing or two about fighting for the family.

These people might have had the occasional social shortcoming. But they were not big babies.

And, sadly, big babies are what many of us have become. Winter proves it every year.

To hear some grumblers, cold and snow aren’t meteorological conditions. They are harbingers of the apocalypse.

What gives?

Well, I’ll tell you. People have somehow gotten the idea that whining is attractive, that complaining is an appealing assertion of one’s identity.

We’re so screwed up now that many of us take pride in the duration and intensity of our utterly unoriginal lamentations.

Never mind that such pointless moaning about wooden fingers and runny noses makes a person sound suspiciously like someone from Seattle or, God forbid, California.

Just kidding. Still, some bellyachers now wear their grudge against the calendar’s bookends like a medal.

But here’s the thing. That whining is boring – really, really boring.

Griping about a product or service might net you a refund or free upgrade. But Old Man Winter just doesn’t care.

Don’t like being a human popsicle? Too bad. Sending the climate a nasty e-mail won’t win you an apology.

Look, nobody is saying everyone has to love everything about winter. Hot chocolate, stylish sweaters and sledding are one thing. Frozen pipes, backside-freezing car seats, crustacean skin, ice rink sidewalks, “Holly Jolly Christmas” and hazardous driving conditions are quite another.

It’s important to remember something, though. When you allow yourself to become a winter wimp, you throw away a gift-wrapped opportunity to demonstrate a trait that might actually make you respected and admired: Stoicism.

It’s rare these days.

In a society seemingly dominated by shallow self-promotion, there’s still a special status reserved for humble, hardy people who, as Garrison Keillor puts it, get up and do what needs to be done.

Winter builds character. Quietly taking it in stride is a great way to show what you’re made of.

By the way, I’m not talking about high school kids and other performance artists wearing shorts when it’s 5 degrees. Pretending to be impervious to cold is silly, showy and immature.

Bitingly frosty temperatures can create sensations that fall under the heading of “Pain.” No sane person denies that.

Yet some winter wimps refuse to acknowledge a spiffy little invention known as the hat. They shun gloves and trudge through Dr. Zhivago-esque snow in dress shoes.

Then they arrive at the office and grouse about how they can’t stand winter.

Well, I’m not officially authorized to speak for the season, but back atcha.

Maybe the winterphobes think dressing appropriately for the weather is uncool. Of course, this wouldn’t be the only seasonal context in which common sense is scorned. Ask a police officer about the way many slow learners drive after the first snow.

So who is to blame for Spokane becoming The Little Town That Forgot How Far North It Is?

Snowbirds, those Inland Northwest residents who annually flee to Arizona before the first flurries, are not the problem. They aren’t the ones scurrying around in windbreakers, going “Brrrrrrrrr.”

Certain Chicken Little TV weather people over the years have contributed to Spokane being in denial about the inevitability of winter. They made being a wuss seem like an acceptable norm. It’s not.

Even this newspaper occasionally treats the least surprising of seasonal transitions as breaking news.

Maybe the problem partly stems from the fact many in our midst pine for an endless summer. If what you really want is to be a lizard basking on a rock, blizzards and Arctic blasts are sure to be disappointing.

In addition, it could be that some of those folks who moved here from Montana, the Dakotas and Minnesota were fleeing frostbite. (Perhaps they should have thought about going south instead of west.) They transplant themselves here and suddenly act as if dwindling sunlight is some sort of dirty trick.

The thing is, winter is a hard-wired part of our climate. Global warming notwithstanding, nobody can change that. There’s no one you can sue, no office politics you can play.

So maybe it’s time to learn to deal, to winterize your attitude.

One choice is to make the best of it. Skiers and fireplace addicts already do that.

Try to remember. This tree-dotted area looks pretty sweet in fresh snow. Frigid outdoor weather is conducive to reading good books. Toddlers in snowsuits yank your face into a smile. The snugsville aroma of chili or stew when you come in from the cold is like a hug. Some holiday music shows that time travel is possible.

And on and on. Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?

There are rewards for gracefully enduring, if not celebrating, winter.

People won’t glare at you and think, “Why doesn’t that spiritless tool move somewhere warmer?” Acquaintances might start describing you as vigorous and resolute.

And if you really get into a groove of rolling with winter’s punches, you just might look up one day soon and discover that spring is almost here.