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Thursday, September 19, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  Features

‘John Blanchette Whammy No. 5’ has a nice ring

By Paul Turner The Spokesman-Review

Now that we’ve gotten used to the practice of naming anything and everything after people who coughed up some dough, I’m ready to go for it.

Henceforth, when I order my usual at a certain Mexican restaurant, I want it to be described as “The Paul Turner No. 18 Combination Platter.”

What would you like to have named after you?

•Things that should not have changed: Readers said Spokane was better when it had horse racing and trains you could board before bedtime.

•Rejecting religion: Kim Madore took her 3-year-old grandson Trayce to church. It was his first time.

“He went to the toddler class while I went to the service,” she wrote.

After it was over, the little boy broke the news to his grandmother. He didn’t want to go to church again.

Crisis of faith? Doctrinal dispute?

“They don’t have very many good toys,” he said.

•Now is the perfect time for an item sure to offend: A colleague noted that the R in Realtor isn’t always synonymous with “reality.”

•Women in action: A reader who asked that I not print her name wondered why some people feel the need, upon entering a public restroom, to loudly voice an assessment of the prevailing smell.

Well, I’m not an expert on the etiquette of being in women’s restrooms. My expertise is pretty much restricted to the poetry and Cary Grant-like charm found in men’s rooms.

But my guess is that the commentators in question are simply women who pronounce an opinion on virtually everything they encounter. If you’ve ever been in a car with one of these individuals, you know how exhausting they can be.

•Forget about hibernating: We’re nearing the start of the extreme cookout season.

•Today’s Slice question: When your old car fails the emissions test, you tend to react by …

A) Feeling like one of your kids just got cut from the team. B) Entertaining some snide thoughts about the integrity of the whole process. C) Muttering a dyspeptic commentary on the relative threat to the environment posed by your sweet little car compared to a few other sources of pollution you’d be happy to name. D) Keeping in mind that it is not the testing station employee’s fault. E) Asking how the whole kickbacks thing works with the auto repair places. F) Huffing and puffing. G) Saying, “Hey, I got your carbon footprint right here.” H) Asking, “Is it time to put her down?” I) Recommitting yourself to the goal of clean air. J) Saying, “My car has a wide stance.” K) Other.

Wordcount: 423
Tags: The Slice

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