Stale marriage has opened her to other options

Dear Annie: My heart is breaking. I am a 40-year-old married mother of three, and I have lost the spark in my marriage. The real problem is that I am in love with a co-worker – a female co-worker. I have never had a lesbian relationship, but I care about “Nina” in a way I’ve never felt before. We are good friends and spend a lot of time together – shopping, dining out, going to the movies – and I’m fantasizing about having more, but I have no idea if Nina is interested in a gay relationship.

When I look into her eyes, I see my soul mate and am filled with such a longing, I can hardly stand it. Is it crazy for me to feel this way? Can someone suddenly become gay? And what should I tell my husband? I still love him, but I don’t feel the same passion I feel for Nina. Please help. – Brokenhearted in the Midwest

Dear Brokenhearted: Your marriage has become stale and that has left you open to other possibilities. It is unlikely that you are “suddenly” gay. Either you have been repressing that side of yourself for years, or your attraction to Nina is not so much sexual as it is an infatuation with her personality. This happens more often than you might think and has little to do with your basic sexual orientation.

You have an obligation to your husband and children to work on your marriage first. Passion is wonderful, but it’s not everything. Please get counseling and sort this out.

Dear Annie: My husband was in a car accident three years ago and has had back pain ever since.

The problem is, we just had a baby four months ago. I understand my husband doesn’t sleep well because of his back, but that leaves me to get up with the baby every night. I also am up with all three of our children on weekends while he sleeps until 10 a.m. Is this fair? I can’t help but be a little resentful, but then I feel bad if I bother him at night. How can we compromise? – Sleep Deprived in Oregon

Dear Sleep Deprived: Your husband may not sleep well because of his back, but you don’t sleep well because of the baby, so when the weekend comes, you’re even. Here’s your compromise: You get to sleep more on Saturday, and he gets extra rest on Sunday. Whether that means sleeping late in the morning or taking a nap in the afternoon is up to you. P.S.: If your husband hasn’t asked his doctor about pain management, please suggest it.