Hey, old pal: Long time, no see

Dennis Erickson – welcome back to the Palouse!

You probably won’t even recognize the place, as little time as you had to look around your last visit here.

Now that was a quickie. You came. You saw.

You conned us.

No, I’m only teasing. But I’m guessing you were hard pressed to even squeeze in a stop at the Corner Club.

So most of your reference points probably date back to when you coached at Idaho and Washington State in the 1980s. Bohler Gym. The Bovill Run. Memory lane. Good old days. What was it – six years, all told? Seemed like forever.

Relatively speaking, it was.

Not that this is any time for sightseeing. You’re in charge of the nation’s 18th-ranked college football team at Arizona State and there’s a game against the Cougars at 1 o’clock Saturday afternoon.

You’ll be in, you’ll be out.

We know how it is.

But I’ll bet they have your old suite ready at the University Inn. The one that was home for four months last year. Heck, there are probably a few of your sweats and golf shirts in the closet still.

Oh, sorry. Wrong logo. Wrong colors.

You wear maroon and gold now, right? Well, maybe some of the slacks match, at least. Help yourself to anything that the firemen were able to salvage from the effigy roast.

Kidding again. Any smoke you smell is from the old Boyd grain elevator still smoldering on the edge of Pullman.

Look, I’m sure the people in Moscow don’t harbor any hard feelings. Well, many hard feelings.

Sure, when you swooped in and seemed to rescue Vandals football for a second time in 2006 you said a few things that sent their hopes soaring. Things like, “For me, hopefully, it’s going to be my last job.” And, “I have a goal of coaching 10 more years here.”

And, not least, “I’ve been every place, pretty much, and I’ve had the opportunity to have some success. To me, going to a place to win a national championship is not important to me anymore. I’ve already done that. My wife didn’t want me to take this job if I was going to leave, because we have too many friends.”

OK, so maybe they should have been a little concerned when you decided to rent and not buy. And by rent, I mean the house you owned two decades ago.

When a guy can’t commit to learning a new floorplan, maybe it’s time to get suspicious.

So you can understand if they were a little torqued when ASU blew in your ear. Give them a little time and they’ll get over it.

Give them a year. That’s two months longer than you gave them this last time.

And look on the bright side. By having lasted two seasons as the head coach at Washington State, you’re wildly popular in Pullman, at least by comparison.

OK, OK, maybe it would be best not to venture out of the hotel room until game time. You know how these things go. Hell, with your resumé, you’re playing against a team you’ve jilted before almost every season. So relax. Take a few minutes to catch up on what’s been going down since you were here last.

Hey, they’re widening the road between Pullman and Moscow. Oh, wait they were doing that when you were here. But it’s almost done. It’s going to be five lanes – two in each direction and a turn lane, so you don’t have to wind up in either town.

Might be the lane for you, come to think.

Let’s see. Old Navy’s here now. No, they’re not looking for a coach.

Idaho launched an athletics Hall of Fame and had the first induction last month. Sorry, you didn’t get in. Something about having to be retired or inactive for five years. Either that or they didn’t think you could meet the dress code at the banquet.

It was black tie and tails, not black tar and feathers.

Oh, there’s now a buyout clause in the Idaho coach’s contract. And they say you weren’t here long enough to get anything done.

But there still hasn’t been a facilities plan announced. Check back in 2009 when you play the Cougs up here again.

What else? Well, Robb Akey – who took over for you at Idaho – has either dismissed or lost 19 players who weeded themselves out of the program for various transgressions. I’m not sure any of the names would ring a bell. I understand you tried to weed out a 20th yourself, but running back Deonte Jackson decided he’d rather go to school where he was already enrolled. Kids can be funny that way, ethically.

And I suppose you know your friend Bill Doba is starting to feel some of the heat beneath his seat over at Wazzu, which you’ll unwittingly turn up if you happen to beat the Cougs on Saturday. That’s a shame. Probably someone will mention your name as a possible successor, but we both know that ship has sailed. I mean, you’ve already coached there. And you can’t go home again, right?

On the other hand, when home has been everywhere, you can’t not go home again.