Annie’s Mailbox: Heart condition can affect mind

Dear Annie: Three years ago, my husband, “Albert,” had a heart attack after losing a job he’d held since he was 17. He tried consulting for a while, but after his bypass operation, he had a complete personality change and seemed unable to take on anything new. He has trouble concentrating. He has not worked since.

Because he took no interest in anything, Albert could not manage the finances and got us into debt. I had to sell our house before the bank foreclosed, and we’ve moved twice since.

Now he is at home all the time, and I have lost all autonomy in the house, especially in the kitchen and with our finances. I have become an unpaid housekeeper. Albert controls all the money from his pension and gives me nothing. He has taken over my car and won’t maintain it. He refuses to help with housework or home repairs. He sits in his chair all day, reading or watching television.

I have to coax him to wash his hair, cut his nails and go to the barber. We have no social life except at my instigation, and he has lost touch with his friends, most of whom were connected with his work. The man who had a brilliant mind, great energy and sense of humor is no more. He used to be the gentlest of men, but now he loses his temper often. He never is intimate with me.

I realize Albert is depressed, but he refuses to see his doctor (who is aware of his condition but says he can do nothing until my husband actually comes in to see him). He is not religious and scorns any suggestion of spiritual help. We have no family nearby except one daughter who does what she can, but he doesn’t listen to her, either. I have nowhere to turn. Please help. – Desperate Wife

Dear Desperate: Albert is not only depressed, he may be having cognitive difficulties as a result of his heart condition. Perhaps you can get him to see his doctor for that purpose, and then the doctor can prescribe antidepressants or refer him for counseling. However, he cannot force Albert to do anything about his depression, and neither can you. So, for your own peace of mind, please contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org) at (800) 950-NAMI (800-950-6264) and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org) at (800) 826-3632 for help and information.