Annie’s Mailbox: Being single avails sister to mom’s needs

Dear Annie: My widowed mother-in-law has five grown children. One, “Pat,” is 42 and still single, and has lived the life of Riley because of great looks and the ability to cultivate friends with money who almost wholly support her.

Mom spends practically every waking moment with Pat. She calls her several times a day when they aren’t physically together, travels extensively with her and entertains Pat’s friends to the exclusion of her other children. Whenever we do have the opportunity to be around my mother-in-law, she talks and brags incessantly about Pat. On her last birthday, we gave Mom a gift certificate to her favorite store. She immediately went to a drawer and pulled out a certificate for the same store but for a larger amount and announced, “Here’s the one Pat gave me, and it’s for more!”

Honestly, we love Pat, but my wife and I would like to share time with Mom. Before joining us, Mom always has to check to see what Pat has going on.

How can I help my wife accept the treatment she gets from this woman? There’s no point in asking Pat for help because it’s in her best interests for Mom to be alienated from her other children. Then she will get the entire inheritance. The house is already in Pat’s name. Any ideas? – Husband of NOT Mother’s Favorite

Dear Husband: Mom is overly close to Pat because her daughter has become her spousal equivalent – she is always available to do things as a couple. Mom’s other children, married with families of their own, cannot compete, nor should they beat themselves up trying. The best thing you can do for your wife is help her lower her expectations about her relationship with her mother and be glad that Pat is willing to be a companion to her. Mom no doubt loves all her children, but she is dependent on Pat and that is the difference.

Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for 19 years. When the phone rings at our house and I answer it, he always asks me who it was and what they wanted. I always answer him because I have nothing to hide, but it annoys me. I have never given him any reason to mistrust me.

What can I say, tactfully, so he understands that my calls are none of his business? – Nosy’s Wife

Dear Wife: It’s perfectly natural for your husband to want to know who called, although we understand why the frequent questioning irritates you. But we think it’s a small concession on your part to make him feel secure by keeping him informed. Let it go.