Elder Maze: It’s never too late to learn about dementia

I do enjoy learning new things, and even re-learning things about which I know just a little. I also enjoy writing this column to pass along some of those “aha!” moments to you, in hopes you are open to learn or re-learn something about matters we have in common.

Last week, I participated in a stimulating 6-hour workshop on “Caring for Someone with Dementia.” I wish that everyone who is a family caregiver or professional caregiver for a person living with dementia could have been there.

The leader, Teepa Snow, had a provocatively dramatic knack that drew us into the world of a dementia-burdened person. She also offered us both simple directions and profound wisdom about how to respond most effectively to a person living in a dementia-impacted world.

Some of her wisdom pearls:

“As a caregiver, you will most certainly make mistakes, so get over your dream of perfection and deal with yourself as you are.

“As the caregiver, you are the only person who can change your attitude and behavior, so you must do the changing.

“Your loved one’s behavior is saying to you: don’t fix me; connect with me.

My favorite bit of wisdom wraps the previous three up in a profound but difficult reminder:

“Don’t bring the person into your “now”; you must enter her “now.”

Over and over again, Teepa showed us how what we usually say to a person with dementia is ill-fated “reality orientation.” Even when we know better, we are tempted to say “No, Mom, I’m not your 5-year-old son anymore. I’m 55.”

We can’t realistically expect Mom to leap into our “now.” What we can do is spend a moment with Mom in her “now,” at least until we can lovingly move her toward another activity, another memory. This distraction tactic works best with persons in the last stages of dementia.

There is so much to know about dementia, even as we realize there is still so much we don’t yet know about dementia.

Medical research is constantly looking for the exact causes of dementia.

Until recent years, for examples, an accurate diagnosis of Alzheimer’s was available only after death, when an autopsy of the brain could be done.

Now, PET scans produce pictures that show where brains are affected by dementia. Where the brain is impacted is a good clue as to what kind of dementia exists.

It is important for family members of a person who shows a change in behaviors or abilities – like consistent memory loss, difficulty with language, slowness to understand, change in ability to think logically, a loss of impulse control – to ask your loved one’s doctor to consider these symptoms.

The symptoms may – or may not – mean dementia. They can easily be symptoms of other physical problems. The point is this: If you get as accurate a diagnosis as possible, the course of treatment will be more appropriate.

There is so much more to know about dementia. It is reasonable for families to have a sense of learning urgency. We don’t pay as much attention to dementia as we do to other life-threatening ailments.

At the end of the workshop, Teepa mentioned that we should prepare for a dementia “tsunami,” as Baby Boomers grow older.

In the meantime, learn all you can about dementia. That knowledge just might keep your family healthy in spite of dementia.

Paul Graves is a retired pastor with experience as a geriatric social worker and administrator. He can be reached at elderadvocates@nctv.com; by