Ask for details of future meeting

Dear Annie: I have a boss who has been with our organization for nearly a year. He likes to send out e-mails saying, “There will be a meeting at 3 next Friday. Details will follow.” But the details never follow. These meetings are usually conducted without specific agendas and with bombshells that require attention and resolution before the meeting ends. This practice results in long and confused meetings. The boss does this at least twice a month.

I am under the impression that people who call for meetings know what their meetings are going to be about and might want attendees to be informed of the issues to be addressed prior to the actual meeting.

Despite a supposed “open-door policy,” no one can talk to the boss. He hears only what he wants to hear. Is this standard practice these days? – Increasingly Frustrated and Demoralized in Hawaii

Dear Hawaii: No, this is not standard practice. It is an amazing display of disorganization. The next time you receive one of these e-mails, it might be wise to write back a day or two later, copying everyone, and asking diplomatically for the missing details. If you still don’t receive them the day before the meeting, you should stop in that “open door” and explain that you’d like to be better prepared. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help disseminate the additional information.

Dear Annie: My wife and I are both teachers and live a modest life. My brother, “Frank,” is a surgeon, and his family lives a relatively lavish life. We don’t envy them one bit. To me, a doctor’s life is stressful.

The problem? Last year, when my daughter graduated from college, practically all family members and friends gave her presents or gift cards. The only person who didn’t was her Uncle Frank, who sent a card congratulating her. My daughter graciously acknowledged every single one of those gifts, including Frank’s card.

This year, Frank’s daughter graduated college. I sent her a card and enclosed a modest check. I didn’t want to come across as stingy as her father. However, I have yet to receive a thank-you note.

Frank once told me, “The more money you have, the more carefully you have to guard it.” I think he’s a cheapskate. How should I handle the situation in the future? – Flabbergasted

Dear Flabbergasted: As nice as it would have been for Uncle Frank to give his niece a graduation gift, he is not obligated to be a kind and generous guy just because he can afford it. Now that you know not to expect anything from him, it will make it less disappointing when nothing arrives. But you should call and ask if your gift was received, since you haven’t heard anything. For shame.