Playing favorites unfair, insulting

Dear Annie: My parents, who are in their 80s, decided to sell my nephew a piece of property for much less than its value. They chose to bypass their children and other grandchildren. The “chosen grandchild” then harvested resources from the property so it ended up costing him next to nothing. It was a huge gift.

When we asked my parents about the fairness of this, we were told that the daughters didn’t count because they didn’t carry the family name, although this didn’t explain skipping over my brother and his other sons. My parents could have sold the property on the open market and given all their grandchildren a gift, while still having enough money to help them in their later years. Now we have to listen to them crying about the high cost of medicine and health care.

It has been over a year, and I am still struggling with this. I realize the property was theirs to do with as they pleased, but how could they not realize how much this would hurt the rest of us? They really don’t think they did anything wrong. Did they? How can I get past this? – Ignored

Dear Ignored: Parents often don’t understand that children equate such gifts with how much they are valued within the family. Those who are overlooked feel unloved, and ignoring the female members makes them feel like second-class children. This is hurtful and thoughtless, not to mention sexist and biased. You can do nothing about this gift now, but you can explain to your parents how it makes you feel when they so blatantly favor one grandchild. They do not owe anyone an inheritance, however, so try to forgive them.

Dear Annie: My boss has a constant habit of chewing gum with her mouth open. She also pops the gum with every chomp. When I’m around her, I can’t seem to focus on anything else.

I can’t really avoid her, especially since I’m relatively new and need her guidance. She’s a great person to work for, but I just can’t get past the gum popping. It’s like nails on a chalkboard and makes me sick to my stomach.

Other than this, the job is great. I don’t know how to say anything without offending her. Can you help? – Close Your Mouth, Please

Dear Close: Your boss may be using gum to give up another bad habit, such as smoking. You can say, “Carol, I’m sure you don’t realize how loud the gum-popping is.” Otherwise, you’re just going to have to put up with it. If it’s not against company policy, try headphones or a desk fan to dampen the sound.