Annie’s Mailbox: Calling for talk, not eviction

Dear Annie: Recently our daughter moved to our town. She is divorced and has two children. We provided for them for six months and never asked for any money. We wanted her to have her own place, so we bought an older home with the agreement that she would pay us only the amount of the monthly mortgage.

We filled out regular rental forms, which she signed, stating that the only ones living in the house would be her and her two children. The very first day she moved in, she had a guy stay overnight. Sometimes he stays several days at a time.

Should we ask that he pay the difference between what we are charging her and what we would charge someone else to rent the house? My daughter says she can do whatever she pleases because she is paying what we agreed on. But we never agreed she could have a guy living there. Please give us your advice. – New Mexico

Dear N.M.: If the lease states that she cannot have anyone else living there, it doesn’t mean you can charge more rent. It means you can evict her for violating the lease. However, we don’t believe you want to throw her out. And frankly, you shouldn’t be overly involved in her relationship choices. She’s a grown woman and she is going to have boyfriends, some of whom will spend the night. Instead, try impressing upon her the poor example she is setting for her children and the emotional harm she may be doing by having a man sleep over when there is no commitment in place. (Perhaps you can offer to have the kids stay with you on some of those evenings when she wants male company.)

Dear Annie: A few years ago, my beautiful wife lost a mammoth amount of weight by being careful with her diet and adopting a very active lifestyle, which included a great deal of walking. However, she has since regained nearly all of what she lost and now spends most of her waking hours sitting in front of the computer.

I love her and would like to be able to spend many more years together in good health. I worry daily that she is heading straight for cancer, heart problems, and/or disability. Surely she realizes the state that she has placed herself in, and I am concerned that if I raise the issue, she will resent it.

Is there any point telling her of my grave concerns? – Troubled Husband

Dear Husband: Of course, she will resent it because she knows she has regained the weight, but health is a legitimate issue for spouses to discuss. Tell your wife how much you love her and ask what you can do to help her maintain her health. Don’t criticize her current shape. Suggest she get into an exercise program with you. Also, offer to cook dinner and prepare low-cal meals. The rest is up to her.