Jim Kershner: It’s book group night – who’s tapping the keg?

I can no longer, sad to say, party hearty.

This occurred to me most forcefully when I went out with my younger friends and found myself saying, “Well, I’ve reached my limit. Time to head home.”

They looked at me and said, “Your limit? You’ve had one beer! And it’s 7:30!”

“Well, yeah, but it was one of those large beers, a whole pint. And I have a crossword puzzle to finish before bedtime.”

Not exactly Kid Rock partying stamina.

It made me wistful for my younger days when I knew how to have a memorable night, or at least one that lasted past 10 p.m. It also made me think of the partying phases that I have been through in my life, beginning with:

Birthday Party Hearty: This was the first, and probably best, phase of all, when the only items needed for a wild, laughing, screaming good time were some cupcakes, some ice cream, a balsa wood airplane and (for sheer crazy abandon) Silly Putty.

The Elementary School Sleepover: In which a great time consisted of bad movies, Monopoly marathons and cookies brought downstairs by my mom.

The First Boy-Girl Party: The ingredients consisted of a basement, a couple of parent chaperones, a stack of Four Seasons singles and oceans of cologne and perfume, over-applied to the gagging point. These parties introduced me to the joys of slow dancing – and I was only in sixth grade. What can I say? I ran with a fast crowd.

The Guy’s Night (15-year-old version): In which we pretended that we didn’t need girls or dates to have an epic good time. All we needed was “Creature Features” on TV, a case of Coke, a pool table, a great deal of belching and wind-breaking, as well as an increasingly morose attitude as the evening wore on, possibly because of all of that wind-breaking.

The High School Party: Which varied wildly in style from (A) the chaperoned sit-on-the-couch-with-your- arm-around-your-date function, to (B) the Led Zeppelin-fueled surreptitious keg party in which half of the crowd consisted of your classmates, and the other half, ominously, consisted of the local Hell’s Angels chapter.

The College Dorm Party: Consisting of 10 people jammed into a smoky two-person dorm room, drinking beer directly out of quart bottles and listening to the Doors until everyone falls asleep.

The College House Party: Consisting of 200 people jammed into a beat-up rental home, playing extremely loud music until the cops wade in for the third time, at which point everyone flees.

The Young Adult Co-Worker Party: In which we would blow off steam from our high-pressure, low-pay entry level jobs by drinking to excess and doing imitations of our obnoxious and self-important bosses. Hard to beat for an all-around good time.

Singles Parties: In which all of the young single people in our small town were thrown together in a desperate attempt to meet someone compatible. Sometimes the parties had laughable themes – charades! – yet, amazingly, they worked.

Wedding Receptions (part one): Suddenly, all of our friends were getting married. The parties ranged from the merely OK (with a DJ playing the Carpenters) to outstanding (outdoors, in the mountains, with live bluegrass).

Wedding Showers and Baby Showers: Yes, occasionally I was roped into these. Too traumatic for me to discuss.

Office Parties: Painfully awkward gatherings in which you are forced to make small talk with the same people you see eight hours a day. If you drink too much, which you are tempted to do in every single instance, you might find yourself speaking your mind. That would be a disaster.

Going-Away Parties: In which you try to celebrate the fact that one of your best friends is leaving for something better, but all you really want to do is weep and beg them to stay.

Middle-Aged Cocktail Parties: In which people stand around and discuss real estate prices, sports and, most stultifying of all, how smart their kids are.

Guy’s Night (middle-aged version): In which guys gather to drink whiskey, play poker and (in a quaint throwback to their earlier years) break wind.

Wedding Receptions (part two): In which all of our friends’ children, not to mention our own, enter the wedding phase.

The Monthly Co-Ed Book Group Gathering: This is our dominant party experience today. It might not sound too exciting to the outside observer, consisting of potluck dinners and intense conversations about Jane Austen and Dave Eggers. But let me tell you, we can get pretty wild after about 15 bottles of Walla Walla wine. And when we embark on religion and politics, the sparks can fly.

Still, the cops rarely have to break it up. In any case, we’re all home by 9 p.m.