Faith versus Morals

For many families, religion has much to offer – structure, a sense of community, rites of passage and of course, a shared set of values.

Even people who haven’t attended a worship service in years sometimes feel compelled to return to the faith of their childhood or start “church shopping” soon after the birth of a child.

But religion certainly isn’t for everyone. While some families regularly take their children to church, mosque, synagogue or other religious gatherings, many others don’t think a belief system is necessary in order to teach ethics and morality to their kids.

In fact, more than a quarter of American adults have left the faith they grew up with in favor of another religion or no religion at all, according to a recent poll conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. Among Americans ages 18 to 29, one in four say they are not currently affiliated with any particular religion.

Going to church as a family obviously doesn’t guarantee that children will remain members of the religion they were raised with. But even if their children were to choose a different path later in life, many parents still believe that membership in a faith community can enhance family life as well as teach important lessons.

Readers and members of The Spokesman-Review’s Parents Council recently voiced their opinions on the role of faith in raising kids. Specifically, people were asked if children needed religion in order to learn about morals and how to treat others in the world.

While some eschewed a belief in a god and felt that church or religion of any kind would even be harmful to their kids, others were passionate about the need for prayer, religious affiliation and also lessons on faith.

As a parent and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Peter Martin of Spokane believes faith plays an integral role in raising his kids.

“I think I have a responsibility to teach my children about God and about Christ-like attributes,” said Martin, a father of four and one of the organizers of a church-sponsored parenting seminar.

“As a member of the (LDS) church, I don’t want people to assume that we have a monopoly on great families,” he added. “But when I look at everything that’s been good in my life and in my family, it has been with the church. … For us, the family is the basic unit and the church is there to support the family.”

For Reanna, a regular contributor to the Parents Council, a formal belief system isn’t necessary in order to promote respect, kindness and ethical behavior. Logic and science along with lessons in empathy are enough, she said.

“I teach my son that these values ought to be practiced because they are beneficial to the human race – it is very arguable that living this way is the right thing to do,” she wrote. Stephanie, who also responded on the Parents Council blog, recommended several books about morality that have nothing to do with religion. Those titles include “Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong” and “Maybe Yes, Maybe No,” both written by Dan Barker, a former Christian evangelist who’s now an atheist and co-president of the Freedom from Religion Foundation.

“I think if people really looked at the way they teach their kids morals, they would realize that it has nothing to do with religion,” Stephanie wrote. “For example: Why shouldn’t I steal her cookie? Because it would make her feel badly. That is reason enough. We are social beings who have the ability to empathize with others. This helps us understand why we should not do certain things.”

Others, however, shared a different perspective.

Without a faith life, it’s difficult to discern right from wrong in today’s culture, wrote David, a children’s pastor at a Spokane Valley church.

Another reader, who identified herself as “Old Western Mama,” agreed with his point of view: “Yes, children need training in morals,” she wrote, “perhaps more now than ever before.”

Nowadays, children are so inundated with images of violence, casual sex and other unhealthy messages that they need guidance, she said.

“Today, children who do not have some form of religious training are more likely to have no moral compass available to them,” she wrote. “… So, how does religion help? It provides an agreed-upon set of values for a community to use, even if the community is no bigger than that particular congregation.”

Church attendance isn’t required when teaching about morals, said another reader, but sometimes a faith congregation and prayer can help instill values in children. “We believe in going to a church that teaches our beliefs but also (one) that our kids actually enjoy going to,” wrote Mikayla. “… This also brings us closer together as a family.”

When her children reached preschool age, Jayce Keeling and her husband started going back to church. The family visited many congregations in Spokane and eventually found a home in the United Methodist Church.

Her children attended Sunday school until they were teens. Although the kids went to church only about once a month, the family continued to have conversations at home about God and the purpose of our existence, Keeling recalled.

Her kids are now adults with their own children. Her daughter became a Catholic and sent her kids to parochial school for some time. After exploring a variety of Protestant denominations, her son now attends the Christian Church, (Disciples of Christ). Both remain spiritual, Keeling said, and they all continue to engage in “lively and accepting” conversation about the meaning of life. “As we’ve matured and become very intentional about our faith journeys, we have actually come to a place where we believe all the great religions have an essential piece of the truth,” wrote Keeling, a retired educator. “While any church that attempts to bring compassion to the world and to worship with integrity would work for us, in another sense, no single church can completely match what’s in our hearts.”