Grudge makes things worse

Sat., Feb. 2, 2008

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar The Spokesman-Review

Dear Annie: When I married my first wife, “Lynn,” I was a trucker and often on the road for a month at a time. I thought it was worth it for my family’s financial well-being. Then Lynn told me she didn’t love me anymore and wanted a divorce. It was rough, but I have since married a wonderful woman and have never been happier.

When I was married to Lynn, my brother, “Ed,” and his wife lived next door. His wife is a great gal. Ed and Lynn knew each other from working together years before, so I felt my family was safe while I was away.

Last month, my brother came to my house with a confession. He told me he and Lynn have been lovers for more than 20 years. I asked if he felt remorse for his actions, and he said, “No, it always felt right.” I believe he now plans to divorce his wife and marry Lynn, and he expects my current family to be welcoming.

My elderly parents do not know any of this, and it will be devastating to them. They have always loved Ed’s wife and only tolerated Lynn because of our children. I have a constant headache over this and can’t think of my brother (whom I trusted with everything) and Lynn without getting angry. How should I handle this? – No More Trust in Texas

Dear Texas: We understand your fresh feeling of betrayal. Obviously, your brother and ex-wife clearly believe they belong together, and it’s unfortunate they didn’t figure it out before marrying other people. However, holding a grudge only complicates matters for your children and ultimately will change nothing. You don’t have to be chummy, and you certainly should register your disapproval, but please try to accept as much as you can tolerate.

Dear Annie: I read the series of responses to “The First Wife,” who asked whether her children’s relationship with their father would be adversely affected because he left for another woman. That was the best collection of feelings from victims you have ever printed. Every father should read it. I could just feel the heartache in some of the responses. I’m wondering if children feel the same way when Mom leaves her family. – Curious in the East

Dear Curious: We suspect they do. Now that you’ve asked, perhaps they will share those feelings with our readers.

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are tax deductible.

Meet Our Journalists

Jesse Tinsley

Meet Jesse Tinsley. As a certified drone pilot, this veteran Spokesman-Review photographer often can be seen capturing beautiful aerial photographs of our region. Sometimes though, the job requires getting down with the dogs.
Jim Meehan

Jim Meehan is no stranger to Zag Nation. As the lead writer covering the Gonzaga men’s basketball team, he tells the stories behind the game and gets fans a bit closer to their favorite players.
Molly Quinn

There is no artist in Spokane like Molly Quinn. Her whimsical style is instantly recognizable to readers of The Spokesman-Review. She has painted gorgeous illustrations that instantly elevate the journalism accompanying it. She brings to life the stories that defy photography. She makes our pages better.
Rob Curley

Spokesman-Review editor Rob Curley loves to talk with people and learn about their lives, whether it's a best-selling author or a stranger he meets downtown on his walk to lunch. It's that inquisitive nature combined with a playful sense of storytelling that helps make our newspaper different than most.