Miss Manners: Answer all invitations in kind

Dear Miss Manners: Is it now considered “pretentious,” as my 12-year-old son suspects, to respond to a formal party invitation with the traditional wording, “————— accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of ————— to —————— ?

I have always insisted on this sort of response, but now I suddenly find myself in doubt. I have been raising four boys for lo these many 25 years. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel now, but I must not be swayed by the temptation to abandon my duties too soon.

Gentle Reader: Hang in there. This is no time to start taking etiquette lessons from a 12-year-old.

It would be pretentious to write a formal, third-person response to an e-mailed invitation to a beer fest or a telephoned offer to meet for dinner. The rule is (and will continue to be, Miss Manners assures you) to respond to an invitation in kind, using the degree of formality in which the invitation was conveyed. So yes, a formal invitation requesting the pleasure of one’s company should be answered formally, just as you have written.

Dear Miss Manners: A close friend of mine, who is overweight, tends to go on about her “healthy” eating habits and lifestyle. I have learned to deal with all of that when clearly I can see it is not working. I only offer advice if asked, and encourage her healthier habits.

My problem is that when we dine at restaurants, she orders something small and healthy and I order what I want – that’s why I went to a restaurant in the first place, right? More times than not she’ll ask for a bite of my dish, which I don’t want to give her. Is there a polite way to tell her to eat her salad with no dressing and leave me to enjoy my five-shrimp linguine in peace?

Gentle Reader: It would not be rude of you to say, “I was planning to eat it all, but we could order you some, if you like.” If this leads her astray, you can always make up for it by asking to start in on her plate after you finish yours.