Party boy’s drinking worries big sis

Wed., Jan. 23, 2008

Harriette Cole United Feature Syndicate

Dear Harriette: I went out for a night on the town with my brother and a couple of his co-workers. My brother and I don’t party together often because our work schedules are not compatible. But I was dismayed when I realized how drunk my brother got. I mean stumbling, “needs help getting into a cab and getting his keys into the door” drunk. Evidently, this happens often because his friends just laughed it off. Would I be out of place to say something? I don’t want to be the overbearing big sister, but this was NOT pretty. — Paula, Chicago, Ill.

Dear Paula: Consider it a blessing your brother invited you to spend an evening with him. While his friends laugh off his drunkenness and may chalk it up to him being a party guy, you are rightfully concerned. Definitely say something to him, during a sober moment when he can hear you.

Let me tell you a story. I work with a wonderful man who recently developed a significant smoking habit. A number of us have pointed out how bad it is for him, even how much time it takes away from his workday. His boss stopped him one day and, as a friend, told him he was worth more than what he was doing to his body, that he was too young to smoke himself to death. He told me that he heard this man when he spoke so frankly to him — not as his boss but as his friend.

Too often friends take the easy road, which means accepting their friends exactly as they are, even when their bad habits could be killing them. Be your brother’s sister. Stand up and make the effort to save his life.

Dear Harriette: My brother broke up with his ex-girlfriend six months ago, even though she was pregnant with his child. Now, the baby’s born and my brother’s new girlfriend won’t allow the baby or the ex into her apartment where my brother lives, which means, unless the ex brings the baby to our parents’ house, he won’t see the child. I think my brother should make his own decisions about his baby rather than listen to this miscellaneous woman. What should I say to talk sense into him before he misses out on his child’s life? — Dee, Chester, Pa.

Dear Dee: Your brother is hiding behind his girlfriend and whatever false protection she offers rather than facing his life. It’s time for him to know and love and be responsible for his child. Before the ex does something rash (and appropriate), step in as the aunt. Form an alliance with the ex, get to know the baby, take pictures and lure your brother into a safe haven where he can spend time with his child. Once he discovers how much love he has for his little one, he may change his attitude. Do all that you can to help this possibility along.

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