Sense and Sensitivity: Just hang up on old friend

Dear Harriette: My best friend since childhood (we’re now adults with children) has the annoying habit of talking to other people while on the phone with me. I’m not stating that she must put the world on hold when we talk; however, I often ask whether she is busy when I call. She always says NO, even when I ask, are you sure?

When we talk, either at home or at work, she allows others to interrupt her constantly. I then have to repeat myself over and over because she says that she did not hear what I said.

Her teenage children are the worst. They talk to her as if she’s not even on the phone — and she talks to them as if she’s not on the phone with anyone, either. Help, what should I do about this problem? — Lyn, New York, N.Y.

Dear Lyn: Stop buying into her bad habit. Instead of stewing and continuing to repeat yourself again and again because your friend isn’t paying attention to you, end your conversation when the interruptions become too annoying. Tell her you have to go now. Say goodbye and hang up the phone. Do this every time you’ve had enough of the interruptions and before you become angry.

In this way, you can control what you will endure. Your friend will eventually notice the two of you aren’t talking nearly as much. If she misses your company, she will probably reach out to ask what’s wrong. That will be your opportunity to explain that you don’t appreciate the constant interruptions while you two are conversing. Ask her — when she’s listening — to carve out time to talk specifically to you.

For all of us who are phone talkers and multitaskers, good manners make a big difference here. Do your best to say, “Excuse me for a moment while I handle x or y.” Then let the person on the other line know when you’re back with full attention to her or him. If you have to handle the multiple other things, end your call. Pledge to call back when you have more time to devote to that conversation.