Apron strings are too tight
Dear Annie: I am dating the most wonderful man in the world. “Oscar” does everything for me. But his family is a problem.
We could be in the middle of supper, but if his mother needs him to run to the store he will leave. Sometimes I won’t see him for hours, and he comes back tired. He works hard at two jobs, and after doing all his mother’s household chores, I am lucky to get a phone call.
I have tried to be supportive, but someone from his family is always yelling at him to do something. He keeps making excuses why it is acceptable for them to treat him this way.
I’ve told Oscar how I feel, but the situation has not changed in spite of his promises that it will. The only thing that makes me stay is that men like him are so hard to come by. He tells me he loves me and shows it when we’re together. I’d just like time together that is not subject to postponement.
I really love this man, but everyone says he may as well marry his mother. I don’t want to dump him. I want someone to tell me how to become his No. 1 priority. – Lonely Girlfriend with Mixed Feelings
Dear Lonely: It’s unlikely to happen. Is Oscar such a terrific guy that you are willing to overlook the too-tight apron strings? Until he shows you that you come first, you will continue to have this problem, and over time, you will become resentful. Either appreciate his good qualities and tolerate his attachment to his family, or cut him loose. You cannot count on changing him.
Dear Annie: When my daughters were young, I found that my husband had cheated on me. I stayed in the marriage for their sake, but I’ve never felt the same for him. He had an affair, admitted to going to prostitutes and propositioned my married sisters. Everyone in my family knew but me. I am only staying until my youngest daughter finishes high school.
My question is, should I ever tell our daughters? Do I owe them the truth, or would they be better off not knowing? – Silent in Seattle
Dear Seattle: Please don’t tell them. Infidelity is a problem between a husband and wife. Confiding these details to your children would be hurtful and possibly destroy a valuable relationship with their father. You feel betrayed, but your children will have a different reaction. We urge you to take the high road.