A ’constant and friendly’ equality reminder

The Archbishop of Canterbury, the spiritual leader of the Anglican church, barred openly gay Bishop Gene Robinson from a world-wide conference, held this week in London, in an effort to avoid making him the focus of the event.

Instead, the meeting held once every decade, is making headlines far and wide. It’s hard to believe the archbishop didn’t see that one coming.

For his part, Robinson, the bishop of New Hampshire, seems to be taking the affront good-naturedly. He is in London planning some appearances near the conference for what he describes as a “constant and friendly” reminder that gays and lesbians are equal members of the Anglican church.

His phrase, “constant and friendly,” struck me in a way that softened my reading of other recent stories about LGBT citizens. For example, an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about its city’s reconfigured human relations commission splashed a header about two gay members. Among the many newly appointed commissioners, the gay folks were just a part of fantastic diversity that included a disabled person, a female rabbi and several ethnic minorities.

Once I had the full story, the headline annoyed me. Here we go again, I thought, the fags and dykes are the attention-getters. Why not write a headline that notes widespread diversity or an overhaul of the commission?

But now I realize the editors of newspapers across this nation are daily perpetrating constant and friendly reminders that gay people are very much a part of our cities, our religious organizations, our schools and our families. They are doing us a favor by noting that gay people are involved in everyday sorts of activities as well as earning leadership positions in our most hallowed institutions.

Bishop Robinson’s comment helped solidify something that’s been hovering around the edges of my brain for a few weeks now. While I want LGBT people to be accepted as equal to any other citizen, I don’t want us to lose our identity. Being lesbian and white in 21st century America is not the same as being straight and white.

I love it that the two Realtors my family and I have met while looking at new homes have not batted an eye when two women walk through the door at the same time. If they were to represent us as buyers, I want to know they understand the legal obstacles that face LGBT couples.

Similarly, if a friend whose native language is Spanish and who hails from Mexico needs some sort of legal assistance, I would want her to have an attorney who understands the realities of being Latina in the United States.

I feel my hopes shifting as I live longer and longer as openly gay. To be accepted as an everyday part of life is what I want for all LGBT people, but to be assimilated into the larger culture or forgotten for our unique qualities is very much against my wishes.