Annie’s Mailbox: Call authorities about abuser

Dear Annie: While going for snacks at a professional baseball game, I walked past a college-age couple arguing loudly on the stairs. The man punched the girl in the face. Not sure what to do, I yelled, “Stop! Stop!” The man pulled the woman outside by her arm. The only other people around were three young guys who looked in our direction and kept walking. I wasn’t sure if I should notify a police officer because I didn’t want the boyfriend to blame the victim for drawing attention to the situation and beat her up again later.

When I got back to my seat, I told my boyfriend what had happened and he said there was nothing more I could have done. My sister later insisted I should have written down their license plate number and reported it, to send the message that society does not tolerate violence against women. If this ever happens again, what should I do? – Megan in Milwaukee

Dear Megan: It can be risky to interfere in a fight. Your exhortation to stop was worthwhile, even if it seemed useless. It is always good for an abuser to know that others are aware of his behavior. We also discussed your question with coordinators at the National Domestic Violence Hotline who emphasized that contacting the police or the security staff would have been a good option. (Any young person who may be in an abusive relationship can call (866) 331-9474 or go online to loveisrespect.org for help.)

Dear Annie: I have a tremendous fear of talking on the phone, especially to people I don’t know. I can’t make reservations or access my accounts if it requires a phone call. As a favor, my boyfriend sometimes will claim he’s my husband or my friends will pretend to be me in order to get information.

This makes no sense to me since I am normally a confident individual. I am college-educated, have a great job and interact with many people on a daily basis. I am not afraid to talk to anyone in person, and I can send e-mails all day long.

I don’t know why I have a fear of the telephone, but I would really like to get over it. The worst part is, my children have seen me with this problem and are now showing the same fears. What do I do? – Phone Phobic in Michigan

Dear Michigan: You have a social phobia, which is a type of anxiety disorder. People with social phobias are overly worried about embarrassing themselves or being judged by others. When a social phobia interferes with normal activities, it’s time to get help, which may mean medication and therapy, but it’s worth it – not only for yourself, but for your children. Make an appointment to see your doctor and ask for assistance. You also can call the National Institute of Mental Health at (866) 615-6464.