Sites help them monitor children’s Internet use

Nick Yee, a researcher with the Palo Alto Research Center, asked Spokane high school classes last week how many of them faced restrictions on how they use the Web. In one classroom, 80 percent of the students told him they have no restrictions. Many also said they have their computers in their bedrooms, with their parents indifferent to what they’re doing or how long they’re online.

Yee is a bright 29-year-old researcher hired by Qwest Communications to educate parents about how to level the playing field with their kids and manage technology use in the home.

“That surprised us,” he said about the large number of teens who said their parents set no restrictions on how much time is spent online. “That tells me that parents today don’t know how to set reasonable guidelines for their children,” Yee said.

Qwest has launched a Web site, incredibleinternet.com, intended to help parents grab bite-sized primers on the key areas of tech today, from instant messaging to social networks, from text messaging to virtual worlds.

“A lot of the kids we talk to say their parents know almost nothing about the new technology options,” Yee added. The net result is a parental paralysis, a fear of looking or sounding stupid, and simply allowing the teens to do what they want to, he said.

Parents do need to set guidelines, he said. One basic reason is to set a limit on the amount of time one spends online. Even adult gameplayers, based on surveys, often admit they spend more time online than they consider healthy. It is no surprise then, added Yee, that teens also have the same problems.

“Setting the rules halfway into the process usually only produces bad results,” according to Yee. So the guideline for parents is to become involved and start communicating their expectations to their children, he said. “It’s important to explain the rationale behind rules and to keep the channels of communication open.”

How can IncredibleInternet.com help? Yee said it’s an online classroom meant to help parents learn the ropes and get their technology bearings.

He said the site isn’t meant to make parents technologically savvy. “We just want parents to get more conversant about these technologies. That way they know what they’re talking about,” Yee said.

One almost fundamental suggestion: Move a teen’s or child’s computer out of the bedroom, and put it in the living room or study.

Another suggestion: develop a system of rewards to allow children to spend time online. For some kids, it’s helpful to restrict time by setting goals. For instance, for every two hours of homework, the child gets two hours online. But no one rule fits everyone, according to the Qwest research found on IncredibleInternet.

Another piece of advice: Pay attention to what games your children are playing. “Don’t let them download any game without you knowing about it,” he said.

Then use a number of parent-created sites that offer advice and ratings for the games young people like to play. Among those guidance sites: Gamerdad.com and Whattheyplay.com, said Yee.

Just as importantly, Yee advises parents to be the moral compass. Many teens who indulge in online messaging or Facebook relationships eventually confront the question of how much information they should disclose to others.

Most people, including kids, have no idea how to think about the nature of online relationships, said Yee.

“Parents need to explain how those online relationships are different. They need to explain why a lot of online relationships feel intimate much quicker than other types,” he said.

The net result, said Yee, is that this type of discussion shows children their parents are concerned and involved in their lives.