Options to deal with controlling mom

Dear Annie: I met my husband two years ago. My mother doesn’t care for him, and I have no idea why. She told me there was no way he could love me and that I didn’t love him. After she came to my apartment and yelled at him, I cut off contact.

I had a baby four months ago. I miss my mother, but don’t know if I should contact her again. She keeps telling people I am dead to her, but then says things like, “My daughter had a baby. I’m so happy to be a grandma.”

I would like to have my mother in my life, but she still will not accept my husband. What should I do? – Confused and Hurting

Dear Hurting: Your mother sounds very controlling. You have three choices. You can continue to be estranged (and you certainly have good reason). You can see your mother on your own, giving her the benefit of being a grandmother without requiring her to acknowledge your husband, hoping that, in time, she will be more accepting. Or you can ask your husband to make every effort to ingratiate himself with Mom. He will initially need to put up with her verbal assaults in order to prove that she can like him. But if she becomes abusive, he should walk away. Over time, she will get used to his presence, although it will never be easy. If she becomes fond of her grandchild, she may watch her tongue since she will be less willing to risk another estrangement. Discuss the options with your husband, and make the decision that works best for both of you.

Dear Annie: Your advice to “Friends or Feelings?” was right on. I hope he recognizes how important it is that he be the “stand up” guy you suggest and take his original date to the prom. It sounds as if he has enough character to do the right thing, considering he’s already shown concern about both young ladies’ feelings.

However, the school should be held accountable for its deep insensitivity toward special needs students. Why would it add to the feeling of being “different” by holding a separate prom? That says special ed students should be kept separate from the rest of the school population. How sad. I hope the school sees this letter and responds in the right way – one student body equals one prom. – Texas Tea

Dear Texas: We don’t know the school’s policy, but it’s possible the special needs students were the ones who requested a separate prom. If we hear more, we’ll let you know.