Annie’s Mailbox: Be honest, she’ll understand

Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. When we first started dating, “Mary” unexpectedly became pregnant and we now have a beautiful child who is our life’s joy.

I would like to ask Mary to become my wife. Here’s the problem: Money is pretty tight with a toddler, so buying an expensive engagement ring will be difficult. Is cubic zirconium worth looking into? I thought I’d get a nice-looking CZ ring and, when things settle down, maybe replace it with a real diamond.

My initial thought is to be upfront with Mary and tell her. Do you think that’s a good idea? We have a joint checking account, so she’ll know all about my purchases. Is there a good way to mask how much the ring costs? – Perplexed in the Midwest

Dear Perplexed: Don’t lie to Mary about the value of the ring. Women can be very understanding about not getting a diamond, but they don’t like being fooled. And if you are serious about replacing the ring later, it doesn’t matter what the original is made from. As for hiding the cost, you can put aside small amounts of cash until you have enough to purchase the ring and Mary will never know what you paid for it. P.S.: Best wishes on your upcoming engagement.

Dear Annie: I am writing on behalf of my elderly mother. For over 50 years, Mom put up with a husband who smoked, even though she doesn’t smoke and never did. My father died six years ago, but my sister and brother continue to smoke in her house.

My siblings visit Mom on a daily basis, and they feel it’s quite OK to light up one cigarette after another. I know my mother doesn’t care for the smoke or the stink it leaves long after my brother and sister leave, but she doesn’t want to say anything for fear they will stop visiting. My mother is very lonely and won’t take the chance of losing their company. What can I do? – Lost in the Smoke

Dear Lost: You might tell your siblings that Mom’s health is compromised by the secondhand smoke, and it would be considerate of them to smoke outside when they visit. However, we suspect if they ask Mom directly, she will say it doesn’t bother her. If that’s the case, there’s not much you can do. Buy her a fan, an air purifier, some smokeless ashtrays and a room deodorizer.