Annie’s Mailbox: Gesture may not be so innocent

Dear Annie: I need your advice. Last year, I asked my son-in-law to help with some work on my house and yard. One day, I came home from the office, kicked off my heels and lay down on the couch. My son-in-law came in from working outside to get a drink and we struck up a conversation. He made a few remarks about how tired I looked – and offered to give me a foot massage. I took him up on it.

Annie, I have been taking him up on it ever since. Any time he comes over after I get home from work, he asks and I accept. A colleague made me aware of foot fetishes and suggested my son-in-law could be getting sexual gratification from doing this. Is that possible? Should I stop accepting? Did I start something inappropriate by saying yes the first time? – Embarrassed M-I-L

Dear Embarrassed: Let’s not jump to conclusions. Yes, he could be enjoying the foot rubs more than you are. But it’s also possible he is a loving son-in-law and knows a foot massage makes you feel better after a long day. Here’s how you find out: Ask him to give you a foot rub when your daughter is in the room. If he has a foot fetish, she would know. And if he’s reluctant to rub your feet when other family members are present, it may be because he considers it an intimacy – in which case, it’s time to stop. We’re certain you can find a way to do it diplomatically.

Dear Annie: I am an attractive young woman with a history of anorexia. Thanks to loving friends, family and a wonderful boyfriend, I was able to recover and now enjoy eating healthful, well-balanced meals.

Here’s the problem. I hold a very good job at a grocery store. On occasion, I will splurge and buy some snack I am craving, but I absolutely dread going through the check stand. My co-workers always feel it is necessary to comment on the food I buy, and it is inevitable that when I buy junk food, I will get a teasing remark. I know these comments are intended to be harmless, but it always fills me with heavy guilt about what I’m eating, as well as feelings of being fat or needing to lose weight.

None of my co-workers knows about my past struggles, and I really don’t want to explain. Annie, I don’t comment on my co-workers’ purchases. Why do they need to do it to me? – Not Anorexic but Still Recovering in California

Dear California: They are trying to be friendly and don’t realize what a sensitive issue this is for you. Since you don’t want to share the information about your anorexia (nor should you feel obligated to do so), it’s best if you can avoid reacting to the food comments. In time, the remarks will seem neither original nor amusing, and your co-workers will stop.