Annie’s Mailbox: Given time bond may grow

Dear Annie: I’m planning to marry a wonderful gentleman in a few months. We are both in our 50s and extremely happy. We have been involved in a long-distance relationship for nearly two years.

I have met most of “Cal’s” family and think they are quite nice, although they are rather distant toward me – particularly his mother. I think the reason is they all are still extremely close to Cal’s ex-girlfriend, with whom he has three children. They get together with her and the kids for holidays and birthday celebrations. I haven’t been to any of these family functions yet, and it makes me uncomfortable to think about the ex being there. I’d feel like some type of interloper.

Cal has one aunt with whom I have established a really good relationship. We were talking the other day, and she mentioned it was probably for the best that I hadn’t been to any family events yet. I guess their dislike of me is more than I imagined. I don’t understand it because I haven’t given them any reason. I am settled, own my own home, have four successful adult children and am in the process of obtaining a graduate degree. I am active in my church and do a lot of volunteer work. I don’t expect everyone in the world to like me, but it bothers me that my future husband’s family feels this way. Cal says it doesn’t matter to him, and, if I am uncomfortable around them, we can leave. I am thankful for his attitude, but I’d rather not need it.

Should I just not attend these family gatherings and send him with my blessings? – The Out-Law

Dear Out-Law: You need to see this in a different light. The future in-laws don’t know you well enough to like you yet, but they want to see their grandchildren regularly, which means they need to maintain a good relationship with the ex. If you can put aside your discomfort at these family gatherings, Cal would no doubt appreciate it, the family will get to know you better, and it will have the added benefit of making you seem gracious and inclusive. Otherwise, yes, send him on his own.

Dear Annie: I’ve been enjoying the comments about bald men. I have a friend in Texas who is 6-foot-3, and he says, “I’m so tall, I grew through my hair.” – His Admirer in N.H.