Some hot tips on how to tip

There are few conversations about dining that inspire more strident opinions than that of tipping. There are distinct crowds: those who tip 15 percent, 18 percent, 20 percent or more. Some people are confident tippers: They examine the bill and then add a finite amount, certain that they have given their server exactly what he or she deserved. Others constantly worry.

Most people who’ve held service jobs that depend on tips tend to be free from such confusion. That doesn’t mean that they agree on one fair tipping policy, but rather they tend to have clearer, firmer ideas about the purpose of tips, the appropriate amount and the general etiquette.

My beliefs about tipping may be fairly extreme, even for a service-sympathizer, but I’m going to take you through them all the same:

•Tip on the pre-tax amount, including drinks.

•When possible, leave the tip in cash so that your server doesn’t lose a portion to the credit-card company.

•Tip at least 20 percent — all of the time.

To those who tip less, 20 percent may feel like some kind of insult. Take a moment to step back from the math. If you’re a 15-percent tipper, consider the minimal difference between 15 percent and 18 percent. If your bill is $100, that difference is $3. How much can that $3 really mean to you? After all, you just spent $100 on dinner. That extra $3 will mean a lot more to your server, especially if he or she gets an extra $3 from every table that night.

And tips shouldn’t necessarily top out at 20 percent because tips should be evaluated not just as a percentage, but also in absolute terms. At every inexpensive restaurant, consider how much someone’s labor is worth. If your meal costs $6, but your server brought you a menu, took your drink order, brought you a drink, brought your food, checked in on you, then brought you the bill, surely that mount of work should be valued at more than $1.20.

That’s also why alcoholic drinks should be included in the pre-tax total when calculating the tip. Serving drinks significantly increases the amount of work performed by a server, both in your presence and before and after you’ve arrived.

Servers generally make essentially all of their income from tips. They are being paid for services rendered. If you don’t like the food at an establishment, you cannot leave less money for it than what’s marked on the menu. The same should be true for tipping. Even if you receive poor service, leaving a markedly different amount of money for your server is not an effective or acceptable response. Poor tipping makes the server have a poor opinion of you, not of himself or herself.

If this is the case, why isn’t service simply built into the bill, like everything else? A few high-end American restaurants fold the cost of service into the bill, in the European manner.

One of the major reasons this method hasn’t gotten much traction in the United States is that being a server is a different kind of job here than it is in Europe. Most servers in Europe are in it for the long haul. This is a career, so they know that in the long run they will benefit from the security of service compris — service included.

In the United States, because many servers don’t primarily identify as servers (they are students, actors, musicians or writers first), they don’t have an incentive to consider the interests of the group as a whole.

I am not suggesting that diners should just accept poor service with no response. The most effective response is to ask to speak to a manager and let that person know that you’re feeling neglected. Speak politely, avoid derogatory statements and don’t place blame. It’s often impossible to know exactly where the problem lies. Sometimes food takes a long time to come because your server is chatting with co-workers or forgetting to enter orders immediately. But a lot of the time there might be a problem in the kitchen that the server can’t do anything about.

If a server consistently receives complaints, one might hope that more training would be provided. Unfortunately, because incompetent service is often a sign of incompetent management, the server is most likely going to continue to mishandle customers and misplace orders, or to be fired, only to be replaced by another server who will receive the same paltry amount of training and support.

Fortunately, the diner has one weapon always at his or her disposal. If you don’t enjoy yourself at a restaurant, don’t go back. Unlike with cell-phone providers, we have plenty of choices when it comes to restaurants.