Yanks might rise above Woods

ORLANDO, Fla. – The Ryder Cup’s opening ceremony is this afternoon. A runner carrying a torch will enter the golf course, do a lap around J.B. Holmes and set fire to the shed containing Europe’s equipment.

If he’s stopped before Sergio Garcia’s driver melts, the Yanks have no chance.

So goes the conventional wisdom heading into the biggest golf event of the year. You do remember golf, right?

For much of America, the season ended when Tiger Woods limped into the sunset. He said he’ll be watching this weekend’s matches, so NBC is assured of at least one viewer. If the Euros pull their usual tricks, Woods may be the only U.S. citizen who hasn’t flipped over to the NFL on Sunday.

America is 1-4 in the past decade. And now we must face the mighty continent without our greatest warrior?

Fret not, my patriotic friends. The reason to not watch is why the Ryder Cup may turn into must-see TV.

We might actually win now that we’ve left out that Woods guy.

“I honestly still can’t tell you how you can paint a positive picture for the greatest player on Earth to not be here,” U.S. captain Paul Azinger said.

It is sort of like Willie Shoemaker trying to win the Kentucky Derby without a horse. But here’s how you paint the positive picture.

First, dip your brush into Boo Weekley’s spittoon. He and Holmes and Kenny Perry form a Good-Old-Boy brigade that should connect with the Kentucky galleries.

Atmosphere means a lot in this thing. Recall the bloodthirsty crowd in Brookline, Mass., especially after Justin Leonard made a 40-foot putt to clinch a big comeback. The U.S. team immediately turned the 17th green into a Dance Fever studio, irritating Europe to the point it threatened to deport Madonna back to the United States. Tensions have since eased. If anything, they’ve eased too much.

This team will be easier for the home crowd to get rowdy over. It’s made up of six rookies and veterans like Phil Mickelson, Jim Furyk and Stewart Cink, whose combined Ryder Cup record is something like 8-94-12.

In other words, we should stink up the course. People wouldn’t be thinking that if we had Woods, despite his mediocre Ryder Cup record.

Woods could team with 11 one-legged lemurs and people would expect victory. That’s given Europe the psychological edge over the past five cups. The players show up relatively loose, hit a few good shots and let the Yanks turn into ice sculptures.

The phrase you always hear is camaraderie. Meanwhile, the Americans take 12 separate limos to 12 separate villas. At least that’s the perception.

The reality is the Yanks have bonded fairly well. Woods has gone out of his way to give investment advice to rookies on the putting green. But no matter how hard he tries to be a regular guy, his mere presence makes it hard to relax.

At least now Mickelson won’t have to worry about a London tabloid reporter finding a Woods voodoo doll in his garbage. As Yogi Berra said, 90 percent of golf is half mental. The Americans can go out and let the Europeans choke on great expectations.

So crank up Yankee Doodle Dandy and wave the flag. This could turn into the Miracle on Grass.