Reporting son to authorities could sever ties

Dear Annie: My late husband and I started a business together. When he died, I asked my two sons, “John” and “Philip,” to take over. Philip became money hungry and sued his brother and me. He is no longer part of the business, and in retaliation, I am not allowed to see my two grandchildren.

It’s been over a year since I last communicated with Philip. All attempts to contact him, letters, presents, etc., have been refused. He has gone behind our backs to try to woo some of our employees, telling people we are going out of business. He is illegally operating a company out of his home with eight employees.

Should I give the authorities all the information I have on his activities or just move on with my life? Should I keep trying to contact him and my grandchildren? This has torn our family apart. I no longer know this person whom I raised, nurtured and loved. He is bitter and angry, and I believe he needs professional help. – A Mom on the Outside

Dear Mom: It sounds as if Philip deserves to be reported to the authorities, but understand that if you do this, there will be little chance of ever healing the relationship. Many people who betray their families or friends cannot deal with the guilt and behave abysmally, trying to convince themselves that you somehow deserved it. There is no guarantee it will get better with time, but it remains a possibility. Once you report him, however, that door is closed. The choice is yours.

Dear Annie: Do you have rules for cell phone etiquette? I called a friend to say hello, and within two minutes her cell phone rang. Instead of letting the call go to voicemail, she answered it while holding the home phone to her other ear, and I could hear her entire trivial conversation. I almost hung up on her. – Mute in Montana

Dear Mute: The basic rule for cell phones and PDAs is to be considerate. Since many people have no clue what that means, here are our rules:

1. The person you are with comes first. Mute your phone and let calls go to voicemail unless it is an emergency or a necessary call such as checking with the babysitter, in which case, apologize to your companion and, if possible, leave the area to speak in private. Be brief.

2. The person who calls first takes priority. Let other calls go to voicemail or tell them you will call them back.

3. Set your phone to vibrate or turn it off entirely when you are in theaters or restaurants, in church, at concerts, weddings, funerals, during public speeches, etc.